Dwayne rock dating

Surprise! The Rock is a married man. Dwayne Johnson revealed Monday morning on Instagram that he and longtime girlfriend, singer Lauren Hashian, tied the knot Sunday in Hawaii. 'We do. August 18th ... Surprise! The Rock is a married man -- he finally worked up the courage to say 'I do' to his longtime girlfriend, and it went down in his home state of Hawaii.. Dwayne Johnson and Lauren Hashian ... Dwayne and Lauren met in 2006 while Johnson was filming The Game Plan, but they didn’t officially start dating until 2007 after the actor announced his split from his first wife, Dany Garcia. ... Why Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson and New Wife Lauren Hashian Delayed Their Wedding By a Year Johnson and Hashian first met in 2006 while the actor was filming The Game Plan and started dating in 2007 Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's new movie 'Hobbs & Shaw' is in theaters now, but it's another partnership that he's most excited about. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson shocked fans across the world in August 2019 when he announced that he'd wed his longtime girlfriend, singer Lauren Hashian, in a secret Hawaiian ceremony. The announcement came just one day after the surprise nuptials, which took place on Aug. 18, 2019. Johnson — best known for his professional wrestling career, as well as his roles in The Fast and the Furious ... On 2-5-1972 Dwayne Johnson (nickname: The Rock) was born in Hayward, California, United States. He made his 15 million dollar fortune with G.I. Joe 2, Pain & Gain, Fast Five, Faster, Walking Tall, Be Cool,The Other guys, The Game Plan, and The Rundown. The actor is dating , his starsign is Taurus and he is now 48 years of age.

WWE notes from WON (10/16): Draft, Ronda Rousey, ThunderDome, The Rock, Raw Underground, female returning

2020.10.16 14:43 trnzone WWE notes from WON (10/16): Draft, Ronda Rousey, ThunderDome, The Rock, Raw Underground, female returning

From the latest edition of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter:
submitted by trnzone to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

2020.10.06 21:09 Rauffenburg Open Discussion about Authority of Felix Y. Manalo with Iglesia Ni Cristo Member

Open Discussion about Authority of Felix Y. Manalo with Iglesia Ni Cristo Member
This thread is intended to be a civil and friendly exchange with my community friend here on exIglesiaNiCristo - u/OromeVsTulkas
Welcome to exIglesiaNiCristo. Thank you for your participation here on exIglesiaNiCristo. We always welcome intellectual discussion and civility. Please join me in this conversation as proof two opposing sides and positions can have a fair and productive discussion.
u/OromeVsTulkas wrote:
About the preaching of Ka Felix Manalo and the specifics of it, I don't really have too much education on it. I think mainly because for me it's not important and just for the record, I think its a futile exercise in debating such a "high-resolution" issue, whether your a detractor of the church or a minister.
In short, I dont really care about the specificity of the dates with regards to when Ka Felix started preaching which is going to sound controversial coming from an OWE. However, I do believe that the fundamental axiom made by the church, that a "messenger" is required, is necessary in an Jungian archetypal sense.
Now I dont find the time period completely irrelevant as I believe that Ka Felix Manalo started preaching during a time when the effects of the scientific revolution and enlightenment we're really starting to be felt especially in the west (c. late 1890s-early 1900) which would result in the "death" of cultures that had its foundation in religious dogma (see Nietzsche, see rise of Marxism).
Do I agree that the Church should change dates (and Im not saying that this is the case, but for argument sake...)? No, but that's because I dont find it particularly important.
u/Rauffenburg's Reply:
u/OromeVsTulkas. Obviously, you've come to defend the teachings of the INC and we appreciate that. Luckily we live in the modern era that we have the access to just about anything at our fingertips, long gone are the days of having to be invited to a chapel and have a one-on-one with a minister.
Firstly. we have to both agree to official source material moving forward. I'm going to assume that you endorse the official church doctrine on the matter (whether that is from an authorized individual such as a minister or literature approved by the administration), not simply an opinion that comes from either you or I.
Before we proceed, as a reminder we are discussing the preaching 'authority' of Felix Manalo starting in latter 1913. This is very vital in this discussion because without authority you have no authority.
This discussion on the authority of Felix Manalo is the foundation and basis why the INC believes he is a 'sugo' or messenger. This is what I hope we can come to resolve as we go forward. Thank you.
u/OromeVsTulkas you wrote:
"In short, I dont really care about the specificity of the dates with regards to when Ka Felix started preaching which is going to sound controversial coming from an OWE. However, I do believe that the fundamental axiom made by the church, that a "messenger" is required, is necessary in an Jungian archetypal sense."
u/Rauffenburg's Reply:
Hypothetically, why is it that you would not believe someone like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Lebron "The King" James are 'messengers' of God? Because the INC has set certain prerequisites to prove whether someone is a bonafide 'messenger' or not. Certain parameters or basic rules that must be met. With that in mind.
In order to believe that a 'messenger' is required then the specificity of the dates with regards to when Felix Manalo started preaching is extremely important.
I cannot overemphasize this enough with respect to the INC doctrine. Why do I say this?
Allow me to share with you the official teaching of the INC(M) on this matter. Please watch this video in its entirety:
Robert F. Pellien, INK(M) Minister
The fundamental axiom you believe made by the church, that a "messenger" is required stems from a doctrine taught in the INC, You must be called [by God] first before you can preach".
When was Felix Manalo called to preach? The time element provided was the so-called ends of the earth which INC claims began on July 27, 1914.
How did Felix Y. Manalo's calling come to fruition in recorded church history? That's a legitimate question so let's ask another trusted source of information, the Executive Minister Eraño G. Manalo (1925-2009), son of Felix Y. Manalo.
The following statement made by the Iglesia Ni Kristo (Manalo) during the administration of Eraño G. Manalo which states Felix Manalo, began to preach the CHURCH OF CHRIST in the far east - here in the Philippines to a handful of listeners who became the first converts to the IGLESIA NI CRISTO.
Let us read what Eraño G. Manalo testified in his historical message in 1998 about the history of Felix Y. Manalo. Please read:
Pastoral Message, Eraño G. Manalo, July 25, 1998 (Copyright Disclaimer)
Let us continue reading directly from the Pasugo magazine, a trusted and reliable source of information for every member of INC. This article during the Felix Y. Manalo Administration in 1956.
Pasugo, 1956, Pahina 13
Translation: This war took place in 1914. Therefore, the so-called 'end of the earth' was in 1914. It was during this time that God's messenger, Brother Felix Manalo, began preaching.
Another testimony by the Iglesia Ni Cristo expresses that Felix Manalo who would preach the gospel will start his work (i.e. begin preaching) concurrent with the First World War.
Pasugo Magazine, Tomas C. Catañgay, Jan-Feb, 1984, P. 9 (Copyright Disclaimer)
The references I have provided above are official Iglesia Ni Cristo statements made from the upper echelons of the church administration and should be understood as factual and true. Each reference refers to Felix Manalo beginning his preaching with full and complete authority based on the following prophecies (Isa. 41:9, 43:5,6) during a world war that led to the establishment of the Iglesia Ni Cristo and the first converts of the INC. This is clear as day.
It is not a matter of changing a date. It's a complete overhaul of the history of Felix Manalo to match prophecy with history.
Now, taking this into full consideration, I want to be completely fair-minded and give you the benefit of the doubt. Now rather than me assume that you believe Felix Manalo had full authority to preach before he was sent to preach at the so-called 'ends of the earth.
I would like to give you the opportunity to present the prophecy with a 'pre-ends of the earth' time-element which specifies and authorizes Felix Manalo's preaching emergence (calling) prior to the First World War in the year 1913.
A specific prophecy that Felix Y. Manalo was sent, called, commissioned, authorized, or chosen to begin preaching in the latter months of 1913, a prophecy that predates the time period before the so-called ‘ends of the earth’ or when the end of the world is near, as signified by the outbreak of a world war.
I appreciate your willingness to be objective and engage in this discussion,
- Rauffenburg
submitted by Rauffenburg to exIglesiaNiCristo [link] [comments]

2020.10.04 17:04 HeroicMessage_000 Serial Harassing Family Miss Me So Much They Roleplay(?) Our Past Exchanges

Serial Harassing Family Miss Me So Much They Roleplay(?) Our Past Exchanges

Correct, Trolls aren't people. This reminds me! Recently an Atheist Troll told me, straight-faced, completely serious, meaning it, that 'facts are irrelevant'. Doesn't seem like the IQ level of people to me!
Look, they agree that they aren't people, delightful! Do they... take delight in being dehumanised? Of course they do, that negative response feeds their own negativity, filling the hole that once was filled with Lifeforce. So sad.
This also reminds me, apparently it is Average Redditor behaviour, aka Troll Behaviour, to identify as neutral but express it by fighting all sides simultaneously. This is to prevent discussion, full-stop. Due to what neutral means on Reddit, being with us is the only way to not be a Troll. (Exception, being an actual neutral.) Otherwise, this exchange is hilarious! Because they think they're joking, whilst actually being Downvote Bombers, Serial Harassers, and I must point out though a bit unrelated, Deliberately Ignorant.
Once again, hilarious but not for the reason they think, rather that it is uncannily close to exactly how it is. Still, I'll give a minor rewrite to get it just right. Barely anything to change, this Deliberately Ignorant Ex-Neutral has the potential yet!
Dear Troll, unfortunately for you (but fortunately for literally everyone and everything that ever has, is, or will exist), I have just replied “Get a life, Troll.” to your """"""""""argument"""""""""", this means a few things, so I will help clarify on what exactly “Get a life.” means for you. You will likely be touched that I'm nice enough to even bother helping you when so many others would just look down:
  1. You have no life, thus embody problems and negativity itself. Your only option is to join us Elves since neutral apparently means opposing us and thus is exactly the same as being a Troll, so that you may strive to embody solutions and positivity. Otherwise, we will have no choice but to rightfully report everything you ever have and will post/comment, as sadly, this is quite often not your first, nor millionth offense to date, with full intention to get you a lifetime suspension. Since statistically speaking, you would rather be stripped of all your friends and family before even considering that you should just behave even slightly better. THIS GOES INFINITELY, TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TROLLS, FOR THE MISTREATMENT OF YOUNG USERS, FOR WRONGDOINGS RANGING FROM AS SMALL AS A PETTY INSULTS TO LITERAL CRIMES, THAT YOU KEEP MAKING LIGHT OF IN THE FACE ON INCREASINGLY STACKING AND DAMNING EVIDENCE. SO YES, I GENUINELY DO EXPECT YOU TO APOLOGISE TO EVERY SINGLE ONE, IF NOT FACE ETERNITY IN JAIL, TO SHOW THAT YOU REPENT.
  2. You have completely forfeited any chance of winning anything (no your delusion that your mere existence is a win doesn't count, nice try). Though it can come off as a Downvote Bombing, you may find some Elves downvoting just about everything you do. Though the way downvotes work mean that not having enough prohibits speech, I also cannot deny that Trolls merely existing make a strong case that not all should be permitted to speak. Rather, specifically Trolls should not be permitted to speak. I'd like to see downvotes redid to not limit Free Speech, but for now also cannot deny the merit in limiting the freedom if it means the rightful oppression of Trollkind.
  3. You are a Troll, this means that you are the spawn of Satan. You represent an omniversal issue, which we Elves are determined to resist and resolve, brutally. Unfortunately, due to your Trolltism, i have been forced to give several downvotes to posts that i deemed worthy of them. Everything that blatantly breaks Reddit's Rules has rightfully been downvoted and reported. Especially your mistreatment of young users, as well as misinformation to pass that blame onto the innocent, with your problematic 'Guilty until Proven Innocent' mindset. Reddit is not the place for your kind, Trolls. Not anymore!
  4. If I deem one of your posts to be Trolling then I’m (not) sorry, but I have legal obligation to call the police for every time you commit a literal crime, such as felonies. You are deemed a threat the Omniverse.
Failure to cooperate with this will result in me responding with “get a life, troll” again, which you will foolishly and continually walk straight into again, and again, and again, knowing you will get nothing out of it but the possibility of being convinced to get a life. You brought this upon yourself, in fact we wouldn't be talking if you just listened to me and even your friends when pleaded to move on, think twice before serial harassing me next time If you have any questions or concerns, please ask me on InternetElves. However, if your complaint is a blatant insult with exactly 0 worth as a criticism, I will consult a Mod to have you banned, to which you will also run full speed straight back into the fist again, blatantly insult the Mods and get the maximum muting penalty. This is for the good of out internet, you have no soul, you have no life. But you can always get one, that's the good news. :>
Nah, Trolls just never learn, so we're still on Lesson #1 after all this time. Multiple months, almost a year now, I'd like to point out. You should get a life and we can move on.
Yes, you should be permanently suspended for racism, transphobia, misinformation spread, harassment to a serial degree, advocating violence, mistreating young users, felonies, or any of the list of (literal) crimes your friend group continually commits.
PCM's here too, of course he is. x'D
How dare they bastardise Dwayne's great name! He is a rock, unmoving to any of the Troll ways, especially Anti-Gaming and Landchads. Though yes, he is absolutely a fellow Elf whenever he wants to be, we have open arms Dwayne! And I admire your role as action hero of this generation, we need you and our thanks is immeasurable!
Is... that Tim? I knew him! It was such a sweet time at Da Pole, wonder how his career went? Wants to sell ice cream I heard.
Well done on denying the Trolls the right to post in spite of being right, they don't get to speak! Or do anything, they aren't people so they don't have rights! But ALL the accountability of the Rules and Law. >:)
No, that's a Hylian.
Poor Mod, putting up with this. :'< Didn't deserve to get involved this way.
TL;DR - Trolls do feel love after all, it is just incredibly minute. And in an odd twist, that love is for their victims. D'awww, as far as Trolls go, I'm flattered!
submitted by HeroicMessage_000 to InternetElves [link] [comments]

2020.09.29 15:53 kittehgoesmeow What A Day: Don Of The Debt by Sarah Lazarus & Crooked Media (09/28/20)

"If the president thinks his best case is made in urine he can have at it." - The Biden campaign response to Trump's demands for a pre-debate drug test

Tax Against The Wall

President Trump’s elusive financial records have finally emerged, and, what do you know, they paint a clear picture of someone who absolutely should not be president.
The biggest takeaway is that Trump isn’t just less wealthy than he claims—he is up to his $70,000 haircut in debt, which makes his presidency a serious national-security threat.
Donald Trump ran for president in 2016 to boost his flagging marketability, has used the office to support his failing businesses, and is now prepared to steal an election to avoid accountability for the mountain of debt he can’t afford to pay. Trump was terrified of voters finding out that he is, above all, pathetic. We can work with that.

Look No Further Than The Crooked Media

You’ve all been making calls and texts and working your asses off to win this election, and Crooked wanted to make something fun to commemorate the work you’ve done in this moment. Check out our brand new Vote Save America Action Calendar! It’s like an advent calendar, but for the election, and instead of chocolate, there are stickers. As always, a portion of every order in the Crooked store goes to VoteRiders. Get yours now at https://crooked.com/store

Under The Radar

The Trump administration has spent more than $300 million on an ad blitz to “defeat despair” about the coronavirus ahead of the election. The campaign will reportedly feature administration officials and celebrities (well, Dennis Quaid) discussing the pandemic and the administration’s response. It was organized by former Health and Human Services spokesman Michael Caputo, who’s now on medical leave, and who claimed in a Facebook video that the campaign was “demanded of me by the president of the United States. Personally.” Caputo’s team abruptly commandeered $300 million that Congress had appropriated for the CDC—literally weakening the pandemic response to pay for campaign ads falsely assuring voters that the response is going great. House Democrats have launched an investigation, but haven’t yet been able to halt the contract.

What Else?

President Trump formally nominated Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court on Saturday, and Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Lindsey Graham has set a timeline to have the committee approve her on October 22. Several Senate Democrats have pledged not to meet with Barrett, and several Republicans have absurdly/falsely/slanderously accused them of hating Catholics.
The first presidential debate will take place in Cleveland, OH, on Tuesday night, sans any fact-checking from moderator Chris Wallace. Joe Biden has been preparing so diligently that journalists are whining that he won’t talk to them, while Trump has been golfing, refusing to practice, and demanding that Biden pee in a cup. Elon Musk’s vote naturally hangs in the balance.
Former Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale was hospitalized after his wife called 911 to report that he was armed and threatening suicide. Parscale was in the house with ten guns when police arrived, and his wife told officers that he had hit her days earlier, according to the police report.
Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross has announced October 5 as the “target date” for ending the Census count, in spite of a court order to continue counting efforts through the end of October. Keep that law and order comin’!
After the Trump campaign cited nine discarded ballots in Pennsylvania to baselessly accuse Democrats of trying to steal the election, GOP leaders of the Pennsylvania legislature have petitioned the Supreme Court to please overturn a state supreme court ruling requiring that absentee ballots be counted after November 3.
CDC Director Robert Redfield was overheard on a phone call expressing concern about Trump’s favorite coronavirus adviser Scott Atlas: "Everything he says is false.” We would politely implore Dr. Redfield to say it to America’s face.
A major hospital chain was hit with a cyberattack over the weekend, forcing some hospitals to resort to working with pen and paper. It was potentially the largest medical ransomware attack in U.S. history.
The Rock has endorsed Joe Biden for president, in his first-ever public presidential endorsement. The Rock has also founded Vote Save America, according to his Instagram bio, a claim that you will not hear anyone at this company deny.

Be Smarter

Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign targeted a list of millions of Black voters as part of an extensive effort to deter them from voting, according to a data leak obtained by the British news network Channel 4. A database used by Trump’s digital campaign team separated files on nearly 200 million American voters into eight categories. One category, “Deterrence,” was assigned to 3.5 million Black voters; Black Americans were disproportionately marked “Deterrence” in key swing states, and people of color made up 54 percent of that category overall. Combine that racially targeted deterrence with the fact that the Trump campaign and the RNC have been building a vast election-disputing legal team for the past year, and you’ve got a pretty good picture of how hard Republicans are working to convince Democratic voters that their votes don’t matter. Because, of course, they do.

What A Sponsor

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None of these things had to happen. A new podcast, Made to Fail, connects the dots between these government failures and pulls back the curtain on the conservative policies that time and time again have failed millions of people across the country.
In the end, these government failures weren’t by accident. They were by design.
Get the full story. Download Made to Fail today wherever you get your podcasts.
Via Apple Podcasts Via Spotify Via Google

Is That Hope I Feel?

A Georgia judge has dismissed a lawsuit seeking to purge 14,000 voters from the rolls in Fulton County.
Your donations have allowed South Carolina Democratic Senate candidate Jaime Harrison to add nearly $16 million to his TV ad spending—more than Lindsey Graham spent on his whole 2014 re-election campaign.
Maryland will become the first state to ban foam takeout containers.
These photos of therapy dogs at Children’s National Hospital in Washington, DC, are nothing if not, well, therapeutic.


julian is a girls name too on Twitter: "can’t even think of a caption, I’m just absolutely over the moon about these pics"
submitted by kittehgoesmeow to FriendsofthePod [link] [comments]

2020.09.28 14:27 dagodfather11 Day in the Omnitrix S3 E5: Part 2

( O 10 tower, living room. Venus is sitting in the middle of couch by herself. The O 10 stand around Four arm's crystal stasis. The ear parts of the crystal are open so Four arms can hear. Stinkfly stands on the other side of the room, taking shots of tequila)
Heatblast: Ok, I think we can all agree that this situation is fucked
Stinkfly: Ya fuckin think?! (Takes shot)
(Heatblast looks at Stinkfly for a sec, then turns his attention to Venus)
Heatblast: You need to start talking, right now
Venus: ....I was drunk?
(The O 10 let out a flurry of sighs, omfg's, and wtf)
Diamond head: This is serious. You two were dating for a bit, so why didn't you tell him
Venus: .....I didn't know it was h...
Venus: Ok fine! In college, the guys there couldn't do it for me. All of them have the same old bullshit routine. I wanted a challenge, luckily, the legend of Daddy Stick are all around omni world
(The O 10 look at Stinkfly)
Ripjaws: Daddy Stink?
Stinkfly: Didn't know about that one...not surprised though (takes shot)
(The O 10 turn there attention back to Four arms and Venus)
Heatblast: Do you have, ANY idea of how fucked this is?
Venus: He's not actually uncle, so I saw nothing wrong with it
(Stinkfly then bashes the table)
Stinkfly: Last time I saw you was your 10th birthday. It was very brief cause I had a date. You were such a sweet girl, who knew you would turn into a sex addict. I was almost just killed by one of my bestfriends, YOUR FUCKING FATHER, all because of my stupid reputation, a lack of info, and the fact that I couldn't remember your fucking name. So Venus, incase you haven't figured this out yet, we're done. So fuck you, and now that my body is completely numb from the shots, I'm going to take my beating like a man...hopefully I survive
Ghostfreak: You won't
Stickfly: Well shit, I'll end up like you I guess. I don't give a fuck, Di let him out
Diamond head: Stinky, Just wai...
Stickfly: Just do it man
(Stinkfly raises his arms out. Diamond head looks at Heatblast, Heatblast nods. Diamond head then releases Four arms. Four arms doesn't attack Stinkfly, he just stands there with a look of disappointment)
Four arms: None of this is on you, (turning to Venus) but you...you sick twisted bitch
(The O 10 release a barrage of heys and whoas)
Diamond head: Damn bro, that's your daughter....I mean you're not wrong but still
Four arms: No, fuck that. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions and face the consequences. I almost killed Stinkfly because of her, I'm not letting that slide. Venus, starting now, you are no long receiving monthly checks from the ring
Venus: WHAT?! I need that money!
Four arms: I don't care. Your my daughter but it's my money and I can take it away. (He buttons his suit back up) I'm a mob boss, this is how we do shit....but I'm also a tetramand, and this is how we do shit
(Four arms then turns around and clocks Stinkfly square in the face. Stinkfly is launched through the window and plummets to the ground below)
Ghostfreak: I got him
(Ghostfreak then phases through the building)
Four arms: I'll pay for his medical bill. (Grabs Venus by the arm) Let's go
(He walks to the elevator with Venus and she gets in)
Four arms: Oh and before I forget, Grey's throwing a "thank you for save us" party at Club sound on Saturday. So get your shit together...I got a strange feeling about it
(He gets in the elevator and it proceeds to go down)
Heatblast: Alright people, wrap it up, let's all try to just forget everything that has happened in the last week, and move on. Got a party in 2 days
(Heatblast, Xlr8, and Diamond head go to their rooms. Upgrade and Ripjaws clean up what they can in the kitchen)
Mysterious voice: Mmmeeecaaamorrrph
(Upgrade pops his head up in confusion)
Upgrade: What the hell was that?
Ripjaws: Yeah I know, the guy who cooked this shit, won't even stay to help clean it up. He's also a speedster, so extra what the fuck juice
Upgrade: No no not that, that noise, that voice
Ripjaws: What voice?
Upgrade: You telling me that you didn't here that?
Ripjaws: No?
(Upgrade looks down, contemplating)
Ripjaws: You feeling alright Uppy?
Upgrade: Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I just need to...
(Upgrade looks at the table with the Disruptor tech on it)
Upgrade: I just need to recharge my batteries, that's all
(Chronopolis, domed home to all chronosapiens. Throne room, King Clockwork sits on his throne. He has two guards with him. The Giant cake is sitting in front of them)
Clockwork: Where the fuck is he. Guy makes a cake for his friend and doesn't even want to show up to eat it with him
Guard 1: Probably stuck in traffic sir
Clockwork: Bitch, it's past midnight. I should be in my bed, either sleeping, watching TV, or giving my wife this Big Black Clock
Guard 2: (chuckles) Like the last one will happen
Clockwork: What did you say?
Guard 2: No disrespect, but you know she's cheating on you right?
Clockwork: Fuck you Daniels, ofcourse I know she's cheating on me. But I don't care.
Guard 1: So you're saying you're a cuck sir?
Clockwork: I should throw you in the dungeon for that. I'm not saying I'm a cuck, I'm saying I'm a chad because changed history a little so that something really shitty happened to him tonight...I also cheated on her twice
(Clockwork then gets a video call omnitrix, he answers, and Grey matter appears before him)
Clockwork: Finally, It's good to see you old friend, but I thought this would be a In person visit?
Grey matter: I'm sorry old friend, but things have changed...a lot of things have changed
Clockwork: How so?
Grey matter: Well me and my associates are now under new management
Clockwork: Hmm, unusual for you to call the O 10, "associates"
Grey matter: Oh no no no...I'm not with them
(Silence fills the room, a look of confusion/mild anger appears on Clockworks face)
Clockwork: How many times do I have to tell you, we will not be getting involved with the government
Grey matter: We're not involved with them either
Clockwork: Then is this just another on of your test Grey? Cause if so, we're not interested
Grey matter: Yes but actually no
(Clockwork stares, confused)
Clockwork: What do you mean?
Grey matter: Yes this is one of my "test" but no, we don't want you involved, in fact....we're making sure you're not in the picture at all
(Suddenly, all the power in the room and Chronopolis goes off)
Clockwork: (angry and confused) What is this!
Grey matter: That was my associate, Feedback, draining your cities power grid, cutting you off from everything, including communication to the outside world. Consider this, the last call you'll even make
Clockwork: Grey, we've been friends for the longest, why are you doing this?
Grey matter: Hmmmm, tying up Loose Ends?
Clockwork: (angrily): When I get out of here, I'll...
Grey matter: Oh but you won't...that's the whole point of the cake
(Grey matter hangs up. Clockwork jumps out of his chair and bashes into the cake with his Chronostaff. He then sees a tiny device, about to go off)
Clockwork: Son of a bitch, the cake was a lie
(The device goes off, sending a giant energy wave all throughout Chronopolis. It appears to be not hurting any of the chronosapiens)
(Back at the power plant with Feedback, Feedback is being chased by guards. The energy wave catches up with them and pushes Feedback all the way out of Chronopolis. The guards reach Feedback, but they catch go through the barrier)
Feedback: See you later pricks, thanks for the weeks supply of power
(Feedback then jumps up and grabs a hold of Astrodactyl's arm and they both fly off)
(Omni hub, Grey matter stands at his computer as Astrodactyl and Feedback call in)
Astrodactyl: The Chronosapiens have been SQAAAAACKccessfully imprisoned in their dome
Grey matter: Excellent, now that their taken care of, phase 1 is complete. Now to start phase 2
Feedback: And where exactly is the target boss?
Grey matter: Ben called him in awhile ago. Hmm, he should've been back by...
(Suddenly, the omni hub return pad opens, and Alien x walks through, his clothes are ripped to shreds and he appears to be heavily shocked)
Grey matter: X? The fuck happened to you?
Alien x: I don't wanna talk about it
(Alien x then teleports away)
Grey matter: What the fuck? Another one?
(The return pad turns yellow as a new alien walks in. Once he was through, it returns to green)
(The new alien is completely identical to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson)
The Rock alien: Damn, It feels good to be released, what's up small fry
Feedback: Boss?
Grey matter: I...I got nothing
submitted by dagodfather11 to Ben10 [link] [comments]

2020.09.14 05:41 autobuzzfeedbot 17 Movie Character Names With Incredibly Clever Meanings You Might Not Have Picked Up On

  1. In Wreck-It Ralph, the two donut police officers — Duncan and Wynnchel — are named after the famous donut chains Dunkin' Donuts and Winchell's Donut House.
  2. In Cheaper by the Dozen (a movie about a family with 12 kids), the family's last name is Baker — a reference to the term "a baker's dozen."
  3. In Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey's character Lloyd Christmas is desperate to be with Mary Swanson (Lauren Holly), who he has no chance with. If they did get married, though, her new name would be Mary Christmas — another reason why things were unlikely to ever work between the two.
  4. In The Incredibles, the last name of Mr. and Mrs. Incredibles' family is Parr — because they want everyone to think they are average.
  5. In The Goonies, the bad guys were named the Fratelli Brothers. In Italian, "Fratelli" means "brothers," so the filmmakers (having a little fun, I imagine) basically named them "the Brothers Brothers."
  6. In Elf, Buddy (Will Ferrell) and Jovie (Zooey Deschanel) name their baby Susie — likely to honor Buddy's biological mom, Susan Wells, who passed away after giving Buddy up for adoption.
  7. In Deadpool, the cab driver character is named Dopinder in tribute to a "really cool friend" of Ryan Reynolds' from grade school who tragically died after being struck by lightning.
  8. In Joker — directed by Todd Phillips — Murray Franklin introduces a guest on his show as an actor named "Ethan Chase." Ethan Chase was the name of Zack Galifianakis's character in Todd Phillips' earlier film Due Date.
  9. In Superbad, Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) are named after the film's screenwriters, Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg, who started writing the script when they were teenagers.
  10. In Up, the villain, Charles Muntz, is allegedly named after Charles Mintz, the real-life film producer with whom Walt Disney had a strained relationship (and whose professional relationship ended acrimoniously).
  11. In Rampage, whenever Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson's character Davis uses sign language to identify himself to the gorilla George, he signs "Rock" instead of "Davis."
  12. In The Invention of Lying, a movie about a world where everyone tells the truth, Ricky Gervais plays a guy named Mark Bellison who tells the very first lie. "M. Bellison" — which we see written on his office door — sounds a lot like 'embellishing,' which is another form of dishonesty.
  13. In the Fast and Furious franchise, Han Lue is briefly revealed to go by the alias Han Seoul-Oh, a reference to the Star Wars character Han Solo.
  14. In The Flintstones, Halle Berry plays a secretary named Sharon Stone. This name choice was more than just another "stone/rubble" joke (coupled with a modern reference). She was named that because the role was originally intended for Sharon Stone herself, but she was unable to do it.
  15. In the Bond film GoldenEye, the villain Alec Trevelyan (played by Sean Bean) is alleged to have been named after British film censor John Trevelyan, who notoriously disliked early Bond films.
  16. In Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt gets into the Nazi film premiere by pretending to be a stunt man named Enzo Gorlomi. This is a reference to Enzo Castellari (whose birth name was Enzo Girolami), the director of the 1978 film Inglorious Bastards that helped inspire Tarantino's film.
  17. And in The Butterfly Effect, Ashton Kutcher's character is named Evan Treborn, which sounds like "event reborn." That, of course, describes his powers: the ability to go back and re-experience events from his past.
Link to article
submitted by autobuzzfeedbot to buzzfeedbot [link] [comments]

2020.09.09 13:12 AvariciousDishes Which Peak/Middle Era Challenge Star Was Your Awful College Boyfriend?

Ah, yes, the late 2000s - early 2010s. The economy was in recession, the Challenge was at its creative zenith, and the bro was king. Toxic masculinity was in full televised flourish, and some of the greatest Challengers of the era were amongst its foremost and most obnoxious practitioners. But they were only avatars of a culture, a culture which did then (and still does, although to a less open degree) sanction shitty dude-dom to an incredible degree.
Many patrons of this subreddit likely came of age during this period. This post seeks to investigate the following: which one of these bros was your terrible college boyfriend?
Without further adieu:
PROS: Big Man on Campus; charms everyone he comes across. If you’re at a D-1 sports school, somehow is on a first name basis with every athlete headed to the league. If you’re D-3, he is an athlete, but at something where he looks cool doing it. Not only does he know the best party on any given night, he gets you into the room with the coolest people at said party. Random people will express their jealousy that you are dating him. Eyes you can lose yourself in while he’s talking.
CONS: Oh, he will be talking. His vanity is seemingly boundless. He has cheated on you. He probably is cheating on you right now. Call him out for his behavior and he’ll call you a loser and kick you out of his room immediately. Depending on what else he has going on, expect a text acting like nothing ever happened approximately 72-96 hours later. Behind closed doors, the charm turns off and a pretty nasty sullen streak comes out, tedious to deal with. You’re not convinced he can read.
PROS: Rough and tough exterior hides a surprisingly sensitive guy. Will surprise you with really thoughtful compliments, or by introducing you to a song that he gruffly mumbles “made him think of you.” Always talks about his family in the most devoted way. Probably a little too into intramurals but it’s funny seeing him out on the field treating flag football like it’s the Super Bowl. Compared to the bubble kids and preps that make up most of your classmates, his streetwise confidence makes you feel like he can get you out of any jam.
CONS: He will get you into lots of jams. You will get tired of people telling you how "good you are for him". You will be more familiar with the reception desk at the town lockup than you could have possibly expected. On nights out, figure out whether your move is to try and stop him from fighting (risky for your own well-being) or to let him go (he might kill someone). You should be prepared to lose your security deposit. If he feels you have wronged him or snubbed him, will immediately start very overtly flirting in front of you. Constant risk to drop out of school entirely; if he does, expect him to complain if you don’t come to see him at least as often as he comes to see you.
PROS: Made it into the coolest frat and seems pretty well liked by everyone there. Will surprise you with the breadth of his talents- not the smartest or the most athletic but a solid B+ at everything. Pretty good with a joke (although you sometimes suspect he spends all his free time coming up with them).
CONS: He will say or do anything, including mocking you or berating you publicly, to make his friends like him more. Publicly contradict him and be prepared to be called a dumb bitch at top volume. Ego constantly needs stroking; if the spotlight is taken away from him he turns into a troll. People will think you’re a social climber. Has terrible taste in music. Be prepared to sit in his room listening to “ironic” 80s music mixed with lame hip hop. Even though he openly claims to be "loaded", never has cash on him so constantly bumming money off you for coke.
PROS: Popular, funny, charming. Got an internship at JP Morgan so can take you to the decent restaurants in town for dates and actually appears to have some future prospects. Presentable enough to introduce to your parents. Although he hangs out with some degenerates he is not as overtly bro-y as they are and will tell them to pipe down when you’re around. Although he is not outwardly super-romantic, you guys share a million inside jokes and references.
CONS: Sly smiles and insinuating jokes from his friends suggest he does not keep your private lives in as close confidence as you’d like. Will try to pass off his friends’ rudeness as “just kidding around” and accuse you of taking things too seriously (when you are the only person being insulted). Only watches Judd Apatow movies and undemanding gangster films (Scarface yes, Godfather no, although he may have the poster). If he stops hitting the gym lord have mercy does he get out of shape fast. Surprisingly amoral about ghosting.
PROS: Although not the hottest guy, weirdly very charismatic. Always making new friends, starting new clubs and organizations, etc. - everyone seems to know him and have a story about him. Extremely driven and ambitious compared to your other peers - big dreams and big talk, but you actually believe he can do it. Can be surprisingly sweet and protective of you. Not afraid to get involved in intellectual conversations and has actually read a book for fun in the past year.
CONS: The book he read was Atlas Shrugged. Mansplains your major to you even though he’s a business major (“econ is too theoretical.”) The reason he’s always making new friends is because he annoyed the old ones. Has the ability to ruin any keg-side conversation by devil’s advocating literally any topic. Talks constantly about being an “amazing” high school athlete. When you dump him, which you will, be prepared for him to alternate drunk tearful voicemails with some of the most vile 3am text messages the world has ever seen.
PROS: Mostly a pretty stand-up guy- likes to go to the gym, loves fratting, loves his family, loves to eat. Has a pretty amazing reserve of patience for you when you're on your bullshit. Once he commits, he's all in and totally devoted to you. Might not be the brightest bulb but he's the kind of guy whose dad's best friend can give him a job so he doesn't stress too much. Has a goofy side that you find really endearing.
CONS: An inslopsicated nightmare on a night out. Will challenge the entire lacrosse team to a fight (and lose). Highly likely to go before the disciplinary board for hazing violations. Will definitely move back to his hometown after graduation.
PROS: Big time athlete. Tall, so good for putting things on shelves and stuff. Smarter than he looks. Beneficiary of the “Rock” effect, whereby straight dudes actually think he’s hotter than women do (named after Dwayne Johnson, who everyone knows straight dudes would bang given the chance).
CONS: DO NOT DATE THIS DUDE. Cruel, whiny, politically retrogressive. Somehow manages to be both passive aggressive AND aggressive aggressive. Underperforms at pretty much everything, whether school, sports, whatever, and undermines your achievements to make himself feel better. Every disagreement is a referendum on your entire relationship. Only worthwhile if you want to live in a weird alternate reality where you are somehow both miserable and apparently the transgressor in every situation.


NB: I realize that this post is limited in scope to a specific period. Tony Raines has obviously at various points been a terrible boyfriend but I had to cap it somewhere. It is also specific to a certain milieu - that of the college campus during said period; but given that most of these dudes came from said context, it made it the obvious backdrop to the post.
NB2: I’m sorry if your favorite or least favorite Challenger is not represented here. Some of them are just too boring (who cares if Dunbar was your bad college boyfriend? You probably don’t remember his name anymore). Some guys would not have been terrible boyfriends! Landon would probably not have been a terrible boyfriend. He’s probably way too into Widespread Panic, and he might forget your birthday to go on a mountain-biking trip with his “brothas” but the scale of the harm is limited. The people I profile are the ones I think were both big characters on the show AND would have been a terrible college boyfriend.
submitted by AvariciousDishes to MtvChallenge [link] [comments]

2020.09.07 01:34 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: SquaredCircle top posts from 2014-10-21 to 2020-09-06 00:51 PDT

Period: 2146.89 days
Submissions Comments
Total 999 362138
Rate (per day) 0.47 168.62
Unique Redditors 590 59964
Combined Score 5998786 12616244

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 382962 points, 67 submissions: Strike_Gently
    1. Kofi on being called the first African American champion: “I think it’s silly that people try to not count The Rock in that category. Regardless of what you look like, you are what you are. He’s black. Whether he’s half black, he’s black.” (12403 points, 1443 comments)
    2. Orton: “It took me a little time, but what I had to do was realize, Kaepernick, he wasn't shiting on the flag. He wasn't disrespecting the people that have given their lives for our freedom. He was taking a stand against police brutality.” (11866 points, 1027 comments)
    3. Kevin Owens with a video on his thoughts on COVID-19: “If you’re belittling people for wearing a mask, you’re making fun of people who are trying to do what’s best for their community.” (11740 points, 464 comments)
    4. Big Show won't wake up after a match, so the referees try to put themselves over (9919 points, 222 comments)
    5. Chuck Taylor uses a live grenade on Ciampa and feels the effect (9044 points, 581 comments)
    6. Sammy Guevara: “I’ve made stupid, inappropriate and extremely offensive comments in my past. In my idiotic mind, I thought I was being funny in using words and terms that represent nothing but horror and pain. I am truly sorry for my hurtful words and actions, and I will never forgive myself.” (8521 points, 1484 comments)
    7. HBK gets hugged by a fan in the crowd mid-match, Michaels hugs back (8107 points, 380 comments)
    8. Bray Wyatt has his own special face mask for when he goes out in public (7611 points, 321 comments)
    9. John Cena drops his title and gets the smooth assist from John Cone (7517 points, 255 comments)
    10. Jericho on a possible HOF induction: "If I continue to work for the Khan family for the rest of my life, I'll never go into the WWE Hall of Fame. I'm a hall of famer in the minds of the people who want me to be in the hall of fame. I'm a hall of famer in my mind. That's all that matters." (7263 points, 888 comments)
  2. 217417 points, 38 submissions: FuzzyWuzzyMooMoo
    1. [Royal Rumble Spoilers] Entrant #21 in the Men's Royal Rumble (13156 points, 1607 comments)
    2. [WWE Backstage Spoilers] It finally happened... (12553 points, 3172 comments)
    3. Road Dogg's reaction to seemingly hitting someone with one of the DX glow sticks at the Hall of Fame ceremony (8041 points, 344 comments)
    4. Roman Reigns: "Thank you to everyone who’s reached out...I can’t put into words what it means to me. Your energy and positivity motivate me to get better quickly to get back in the ring, but for now I’m going to spend time with my family and focus on health. Thank you - Joe/Roman" (7981 points, 432 comments)
    5. [Raw Spoilers] Damn Kurt... (7167 points, 828 comments)
    6. What is known so far about the travel issues that have left many of the WWE Talent stuck in Saudi Arabia (6830 points, 2748 comments)
    7. [AEW Double or Nothing Spoiler] Surprise appearance after the Main Event (6248 points, 1341 comments)
    8. (Raw Spoilers) Ladies and gentlemen, Braun Strowman... (6209 points, 879 comments)
    9. Roman Reigns gets distracted after seeing Dana Brooke rub oil on Sonya Deville (5997 points, 439 comments)
    10. Becky Lynch to Nia Jax: "You gave me your best sucker punch, but I got back up to destroy your whole roster. They won’t let me fight, but I’ll get back up from that too. It’s what I do. So enjoy your one free shot, because as bad as my memory is now, I haven’t forgotten you, bitch." (5958 points, 844 comments)
  3. 83439 points, 15 submissions: GetDown90
    1. Kevin Nash: "The company is called World Wrestling Entertainment. I was entertained. @StephMcMahon said we're bringing this to you to take you away from where we are. I was immersed and not watching the news. Thank you @WWE for going beyond what every other product has. Delivered!" (7785 points, 560 comments)
    2. Jake Roberts: "AEW was the first wrestling promotion that ever had a birthday party for me. That was pretty cool. They had cake and everything for everybody; it was really nice. The people at AEW are like that – Tony Khan is a wonderful man and a brilliant man." (7715 points, 488 comments)
    3. Vickie Guerrero: "I met Eddie on a blind date. I didn't get home until 4 A.M because we danced till 3 A.M. I said, 'Dad, punish me how you want. I just met the greatest guy. I don't care what my punishment is.' And we started dating ever since and it was history after that." (6360 points, 263 comments)
    4. Kane: "Bryan and I are on such opposite ends of the political spectrum. But we respect each other as human beings and value each other's opinions, so we had conversations and learned from each other. I learned a lot from Bryan, even if we didn't always agree." (6128 points, 1379 comments)
    5. Maria Kanellis: "WWE doesnt want to build new stars, they want to spike the ratings for a couple weeks to keep the investors/networks happy. What WWE doesn’t seem to get, is ratings improve when people care about the story/stars. Invest in talent, spend the time building stars, stop the laziness." (6079 points, 846 comments)
    6. Bret Hart: "Goldberg to me was one of the most unprofessional wrestlers there ever was in the business. For Bill Goldberg to be in the Hall of Fame... he hurt everybody he worked with." (6006 points, 1022 comments)
    7. Batista on his Favorite WWE Match: "It was with Rey Mysterio at a house show in Mexico. We went and gave them a pay-per-view match. We went back and got a standing ovation. Rey kicked out of my finish, we gave them every bell and whistle we could think of. That's what I wanted my career to be." (5606 points, 237 comments)
    8. Ric Flair on the Boneyard Match: "I texted Taker, 'You did it again.' That and the Fun House, it was incredible. If I'm dying as an adult who's been watching this forever, can you imagine what a 12-year-old is thinking? They gotta be going, 'Wow! Daddy this is the coolest thing!'" (5388 points, 438 comments)
    9. Luke Gallows: "When I got there (WWE) in 2016, I was pleasantly surprised because the locker room of old had changed. The old guard was gone. It wasn't everybody walking around on eggshells. I give big credit to Roman Reigns for that." (5335 points, 561 comments)
    10. Steve Austin: "I've had zero alcohol for right at 14 days now. I'm also doing my DDP Yoga shit. Hell, I'm going to jump up here and do the splits like a goddang cheerleader in a minute! I'm flexible as a motherfucker." lol (4928 points, 575 comments)
  4. 77859 points, 15 submissions: Naweezy
    1. “Motherfucker”. Stone Cold steals the Rock’s moment. (7065 points, 425 comments)
    2. Two legends with their signature rises (6617 points, 288 comments)
    3. The Rock attempts the Rock Bottom on Eddie Guerrero (6313 points, 411 comments)
    4. Wrestling 101: Don’t drop a beer Stone Cold throws you (6227 points, 206 comments)
    5. That time CM Punk and Daniel Bryan copied a spot from the Sonnen and Silvia fight on the Raw after the event (5820 points, 322 comments)
    6. Remember paper always beats the rock (5249 points, 221 comments)
    7. Scott Hall and Zack Ryder holding each other’s Intercontinental Championships 20 years apart (5098 points, 262 comments)
    8. Swig of beer for the working man (5042 points, 257 comments)
    9. Beeper. Fanny Pack. All Denim clothing. Stone Cold and The Rock. This is as 90’s as it gets (4648 points, 220 comments)
    10. HBK fools Melina who thinks he’s John Morrison (4601 points, 179 comments)
  5. 61927 points, 11 submissions: sylvester_terkay
    1. A Series of Wrestlers popping out of nowhere (8098 points, 288 comments)
    2. What reminds me of Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn lately (6535 points, 234 comments)
    3. Sami Zayn popping outta nowhere (6213 points, 198 comments)
    4. Big E meets Little E (6047 points, 245 comments)
    5. Orange Cassidy joining what he thought was a slumber party (5879 points, 206 comments)
    6. Ric Flair makes a young Hurricane fan cry (5712 points, 386 comments)
    7. Roman gets his payback (5305 points, 153 comments)
    8. It took almost 2 years for Randy to get his revenge on AJ (4993 points, 233 comments)
    9. Billie Kay breaks Peyton Royce & Cathy Kelley (4517 points, 320 comments)
    10. [Raw Spoilers] Kurt Angle having some flashbacks (4334 points, 204 comments)
  6. 61503 points, 7 submissions: RealWWE
    1. Daniel Bryan medically cleared to return to in-ring action (26808 points, 6506 comments)
    2. Rey Mysterio’s reaction to seeing AJ Styles backstage at Royal Rumble (8587 points, 493 comments)
    3. [Rumble Spoilers] This Is Brock Lesnar, Hear Him Scream - The Remix (6395 points, 180 comments)
    4. The champ Becky Lynch has a special surprise for SquaredCircle ... (5661 points, 561 comments)
    5. Hello SC from Stamford! R-Truth and Carmella are enjoying their all-expenses paid vacation to WWE HQ (5397 points, 356 comments)
    6. Not-so-official artwork for NXT TakeOver in the year 2050 (4463 points, 203 comments)
    7. I am WWE SmackDown Women's Champion Becky Lynch and the Superstar everyone wants to see at Evolution, the first-ever all-women's pay-per-view. Ask the champ anything! (And boo the woo!) (4192 points, 1738 comments)
  7. 54103 points, 10 submissions: hall198
    1. Deadspin: WWE Allows Alleged Child Sex Predator to Waltz Back Into the Ring Like Nothing Happened (8645 points, 1551 comments)
    2. Ric Flair's ringtone is set to 'Ric Flair Drip' and Charlotte is shocked by this discovery. (7829 points, 548 comments)
    3. Renee Young announces she has COVID-19 (5137 points, 983 comments)
    4. (SD Spoilers) This fan went all out for Holloween (5112 points, 153 comments)
    5. TMZ: The Columbus police department launch an investigation into Marty Jannetty's facebook comments from earlier today "We are going to look into this. The first step will be seeing if we have any missing persons or unidentified remains cases that match the limited information in the post." (4992 points, 776 comments)
    6. Tommy Dreamer: "Yesterday. AEW packed, ROH sold out, WWE tokyo packed, they ran Jackson as well. NXT Venice (packed), I did an indy (with) over 700 people. I keep reading all these other indies ran last night, So many people were entertained by professional wrestling. YESTERDAY WAS A GOOD DAY" (4575 points, 237 comments)
    7. The IIconics are amazing, pass it on. (4565 points, 433 comments)
    8. The PPV poster for Hell in a Cell (4523 points, 426 comments)
    9. (NXT Spoilers) YEET. (4420 points, 383 comments)
    10. Ric Flair: "It's Official, Charlotte Is No Longer Ric Flair's Daughter. I Am Charlotte Flair's Dad! All The Accolades That Have Come My Way Over Time Are Diminished By Her Accomplishments Now! I Am So Proud Of You Charlotte." (4305 points, 503 comments)
  8. 52599 points, 8 submissions: Bigbenn0
    1. I present to you the first and only time John Cena did a suicide dive. (8006 points, 382 comments)
    2. On this day 2 years ago, the greatest moment in WWE history happened. (7898 points, 364 comments)
    3. To be honest, this alone should get R-Truth inducted into the Hall of Fame (7364 points, 381 comments)
    4. A reminder that Ricochet isn’t human. (6457 points, 517 comments)
    5. The Usos forfeiting the Gauntlet Match out of respect for Kofi and The New Day was perfection and one of the best part of Kofimania. WWE gets a lot of criticism for their storylines and bookings and whatnot but Kofimania shows that they can be great when they want to. (6380 points, 358 comments)
    6. I often forget how crazy Bobby Lashley was back in the day. (6138 points, 387 comments)
    7. In Honor of Money in the Bank this Sunday, here’s what I think is the greatest non-Wrestlemania entrance in WWE History. I also don’t think there’ll come another time where a superstar elicit this big of a ovation off their entrance alone. (5455 points, 849 comments)
    8. John Cena and Sting congratulating a 7-Year old Girl on beating cancer after Raw went off air. (4901 points, 273 comments)
  9. 49307 points, 10 submissions: woo_hah
    1. John Cena: “I can say with the utmost sincerity that I believe Brock Lesnar is best in-ring performer that I've seen. His performance at the Rumble was a clinic on how to establish yourself, how to establish those around you, establish the championship, establish the importance of one event.” (5922 points, 853 comments)
    2. WWE confirms move to Amway Center (calling it WWE ThunderDome). There will be drone cameras and 1,000 virtual fans, with crowd audio mixed in. Kevin Dunn says pryo, smoke and projections will allow for “a big, beautiful entrance, better than WrestleMania.” (5685 points, 1123 comments)
    3. Big E on Xavier Woods: “If Woods doesn’t come up to me in 2014 and say, ‘Hey, I have an idea for a group. You want to join me?’ If that doesn’t happen, who knows if I’m even still employed here. He changed our lives. And the fact that he got the trombone over in wrestling? That’s incredible.” (5625 points, 294 comments)
    4. Drew McIntyre: “I don’t know why, but Kurt Angle chose to work with me for one of his final matches in TNA. He made me look like a million bucks. Then, a few years later in WWE, he made me look like an absolute killer. I can never thank Kurt enough for what he has done and continues to do for me.” (5314 points, 120 comments)
    5. Terry Funk on AEW: “Vince and WWE, they’re not fresh. Yes, Vince does big business. They have the best talent in the world, but they have no fresh ideas. They should be selling out every arena. Vince thinks he’s fresh, he thinks he’s the best. That’s when you get knocked on your ass.” (5128 points, 613 comments)
    6. Jake Hager: "When I look now at guys like Cesaro, guys like Bobby Lashley, they’re just lost. When I look at them, that whole cloud of doom comes right back over me. [WWE] knows exactly what they’re doing and I hate to say it, but it’s on purpose. They want you lost in there so they can control you" (4660 points, 1256 comments)
    7. Chris Jericho: “One of my mission statements in AEW is to build new talent. People complain, ‘We don’t have any idea who this people are!’ It’s only been nine weeks, and we’re focusing on one person every couple of weeks. Building new stars will make this promotion successful.” (4578 points, 491 comments)
    8. Otis on winning MITB: “I found out and was like, ‘What?’ When the briefcase got into my hands, that’s when it felt real. I remember watching the first ‘Money in the Bank’ match at WrestleMania, and it blows my mind that I woke up right next to it this morning.” (4214 points, 475 comments)
    9. Mandy Rose pitched the Otis storyline directly to Vince McMahon. It was inspired by their real-life friendship. (4093 points, 347 comments)
    10. Renee Young on WWE's reaction to her positive COVID test: "Did I feel a little slighted? I didn't really feel like anyone was all that concerned that I got sick. That bothered me for sure." (4088 points, 521 comments)
  10. 49071 points, 3 submissions: LazyCanasian
    1. Earthquake (my dad) playing Tetris while my brother and sister look on. (18154 points, 541 comments)
    2. In memory of my dad today, here he is on his birthday excited for some hot disco hits! (17092 points, 429 comments)
    3. In honor of Father’s Day, here’s Earthquake and me around 1996-1997. Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads that are still with us and those that aren’t. Much love! (13825 points, 363 comments)
  11. 47977 points, 1 submission: Macaveli54
    1. Nearly 50 hours of work, here’s my drawing of The Rock (47977 points, 1413 comments)
  12. 40346 points, 7 submissions: KhabibTime
    1. Ric Flair: I Ain't Dead Yet Mother Fuckers! WOOOOO! (11185 points, 581 comments)
    2. Big E: Sometimes you forget the dude you’ve goofed off with for the last 4+ years is a legend. Putting in an actual hour against (and DEFEATING) world champs & future HOFers was awe inspiring & humbling. Last night was one we will never forget. (5573 points, 562 comments)
    3. James Ellsworth: When I wrestled Braun Strowman the match didn't last 2 minutes, and with that neither was my WWE career suppose to. Thanks to fans all over the world, in those nearly 2 minutes I lasted a year and a half a WWE, I'll never forget what wrestling fans did for me (5366 points, 175 comments)
    4. Jon Moxley: “Pressure is having a 2-page script written by a 74-year old mad man that makes no sense, that’s gonna make you look stupid on TV” (5000 points, 737 comments)
    5. Big E: Kofi has the most days as a tag team champion in the history of WWE. Never failed a drug test. Never had a brush with the law. Always a professional to the highest degree. Give this man his flowers while he can still smell them. (4858 points, 385 comments)
    6. [WWE After The Bell] Randy Orton Confirms AJ Styles is a Flat Earther (4264 points, 1336 comments)
    7. Kayla Braxton: @WWE I’ll forego my paycheck to never see Lana and Lashley together on television again (4100 points, 448 comments)
  13. 37282 points, 7 submissions: WorkFriendlyAcct
    1. Fan misreads request for assistance. (9173 points, 306 comments)
    2. Triple H marks out for Randy Orton (5212 points, 201 comments)
    3. Picture perfect hurricanranna off the top rope to the outside. (5023 points, 182 comments)
    4. The most dramatic running clothesline in the history of professional wrestling. (4703 points, 344 comments)
    5. Daniel and Brie share a moment (4629 points, 556 comments)
    6. 30 Years of the Royal Rumble (4346 points, 638 comments)
    7. Mayoral Candidate Abuses Cheerleaders (4196 points, 128 comments)
  14. 35508 points, 1 submission: MustacheDiaries
    1. 1992 and 2020 have identical calendars so I'm using the 1992 WWF Calendar this year. (35508 points, 640 comments)
  15. 34503 points, 6 submissions: thebobbyshaw33
    1. Sign catches Rock’s attention and he’s gotta set the record straight (9731 points, 389 comments)
    2. (HIAC SPOILERS) Xpac is all of us (5967 points, 837 comments)
    3. This has to be one of the greatest photos ever captured in wrestling. (5939 points, 242 comments)
    4. Kane comes out to Slow Chemical for his victory speech. (4505 points, 559 comments)
    5. The accuracy of this tweet is amazing and even Dolph found it hilarious “undertaker 2000 & undertaker 1999” (4189 points, 185 comments)
    6. [HOF Spoilers] crowd favorite (4172 points, 270 comments)
  16. 33054 points, 3 submissions: suzukigun4life
    1. WWE has confirmed WrestleMania will not be taking place in Tampa Bay. It will instead air live on PPV/WWE Network and emanate from the WWE Performance Center. (22353 points, 4591 comments)
    2. [GRR SPOILERS] Greatest moment in Royal Rumble history? (6164 points, 498 comments)
    3. [RAW Spoilers] Superstar's update (4537 points, 821 comments)
  17. 32590 points, 5 submissions: Knoxlag
    1. "Rusev literally gave $25,000 of his own money to pay WWE production workers cause they weren’t getting paid." (9391 points, 1076 comments)
    2. 2 Generations apart (7862 points, 328 comments)
    3. Dave Meltzer: "What horrible news, Rocky Johnson passed away, Dwayne's father. Our best to Dwayne, Ricky, Ata and the entire family." (7091 points, 323 comments)
    4. Cody with some legendary company on the Jericho Cruise (4170 points, 262 comments)
    5. Photo of the new AEW faction (4076 points, 636 comments)
  18. 31221 points, 5 submissions: mcm123456
    1. That time Triple H KILLED Shawn Michaels. I'm glad he retired this dangerous move. (8396 points, 650 comments)
    2. 27 years ago to this day, WWF Champion Hulk Hogan faced IWGP Champion The Great Muta (7093 points, 837 comments)
    3. Triple H disguised as Goldust shooting Kane with a Flamethrower. You can't make this shit up... (6706 points, 412 comments)
    4. Eddie Guerrero realising he's in trouble a little too late. (4610 points, 312 comments)
    5. Booker T, Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho stealing each other's Finishers. (4416 points, 300 comments)
  19. 26914 points, 5 submissions: will_upvote_beer
    1. Kurt Angle: “Wrestlemania is around the corner. My very last match. I know its not the old Kurt Angle everyone has wanted, but im proud knowing its the new Kurt Angle thats been clean for almost 6 years. Thank you to all those who have been supporting me through the good and bad. I love you all.” (8364 points, 508 comments)
    2. Batista turned down WWE Hall Of Fame invitation because his in-ring career is not over: "I would love to go back. I've been very vocal about that" (5233 points, 626 comments)
    3. Rusev is selling more shirts than The Shield and everyone else in WWE (4829 points, 606 comments)
    4. Jim Ross signs with All Elite Wrestling for most lucrative deal in commentary history (4310 points, 772 comments)
    5. Meltzer reporting that Fox wants Smackdown to be less comedy and more sports (4178 points, 966 comments)
  20. 26079 points, 4 submissions: KneeHighMischief
    1. CM Punk with a fantastic display of sportsmanship after Chris Hamrick suffers a gruesome knee injury (9746 points, 416 comments)
    2. Sami Zayn finds out that Ska isn't cool anymore (6840 points, 601 comments)
    3. A dazed Michael McGillicutty (Curtis Axel) thinks he got the better of Sheamus 1/19/13 (5337 points, 236 comments)
    4. Alberto El Patron has no concept of physics (4156 points, 335 comments)
  21. 25796 points, 3 submissions: Bradleyharheez
    1. TRAGIC UPDATE: LA County lifeguards confirm body found in Venice Beach is former WWE star Shad Gaspard, via @tina_patel. (15688 points, 1545 comments)
    2. R-truth crashes drake Mavericks wedding to become 24/7 champion again! (5218 points, 762 comments)
    3. Tommy dreamer posted this photo of him and Howard finkel and his sign in the background just makes me shed a tear (4890 points, 203 comments)
  22. 24259 points, 4 submissions: AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
    1. Eddie Guerrero wins the 100M race (8565 points, 286 comments)
    2. Kurt Angle reverses everything The Undertaker does into an Ankle Lock (5774 points, 438 comments)
    3. Eddie Guerrero’s last cheeky smile before he would sadly pass away (5559 points, 282 comments)
    4. Great sequence from Adam Cole at NXT Takeover NOLA (4361 points, 315 comments)
  23. 24199 points, 1 submission: serenawilliams
    1. kn0thing said you all wanted to see the belt. Banana for scale. (24199 points, 990 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. RealWWE (53075 points, 111 comments)
  2. Chris_Jericho (43104 points, 90 comments)
  3. Anderrrrr (37165 points, 389 comments)
  4. Strike_Gently (33900 points, 105 comments)
  5. BigHoss94 (32688 points, 95 comments)
  6. The_Haskins (27995 points, 289 comments)
  7. PiplupTCG (27562 points, 151 comments)
  8. Hummer77x (26243 points, 237 comments)
  9. TheTallOne93 (25896 points, 250 comments)
  10. RoscoeSantangelo (25427 points, 109 comments)
  11. TheDangiestSlad (23258 points, 138 comments)
  12. Lessiarty (23215 points, 84 comments)
  13. dpw2017 (22463 points, 101 comments)
  14. Singer211 (20367 points, 216 comments)
  15. SiphenPrax (19786 points, 105 comments)
  16. GetDown90 (19709 points, 207 comments)
  17. ackinsocraycray (19493 points, 201 comments)
  18. LukkasG (18450 points, 35 comments)
  19. NextChamp (17817 points, 217 comments)
  20. Shrekt115 (17754 points, 585 comments)
  21. JustATributeCC (17216 points, 116 comments)
  22. StayHypeBro (16900 points, 117 comments)
  23. BlackfishShane (16591 points, 86 comments)
  24. GTSBurner (16470 points, 392 comments)
  25. SuperBatSpider (15904 points, 108 comments)
  26. CoreyGravy (15747 points, 157 comments)
  27. Konfliction (14761 points, 126 comments)
  28. Mysteriagant (14679 points, 267 comments)
  29. insomniainc (14592 points, 155 comments)
  30. suzukigun4life (14490 points, 56 comments)
  31. almostbad (14361 points, 87 comments)
  32. Mr-GameAndWrestling (14156 points, 296 comments)
  33. Pyrozooka0 (13972 points, 123 comments)
  34. SnuggleMonster15 (13731 points, 96 comments)
  35. Houseside (13665 points, 402 comments)
  36. AKittyCat (13580 points, 154 comments)
  37. idlepyramid (12719 points, 70 comments)
  38. KyWy75 (12366 points, 68 comments)
  39. Michelanvalo (12128 points, 387 comments)
  40. AmishAvenger (11993 points, 102 comments)
  41. rbarton812 (11984 points, 182 comments)
  42. AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens (11868 points, 67 comments)
  43. TheBrianJ (11829 points, 48 comments)
  44. mcm123456 (11820 points, 176 comments)
  45. SnortWhoresFuckCoke (11803 points, 316 comments)
  46. daprice82 (11754 points, 77 comments)
  47. BAbaraka (11689 points, 44 comments)
  48. ottershavemorefun (11536 points, 58 comments)
  49. Vagabond21 (11329 points, 122 comments)
  50. Mhc2617 (11270 points, 126 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. Nearly 50 hours of work, here’s my drawing of The Rock by Macaveli54 (47977 points, 1413 comments)
  2. 1992 and 2020 have identical calendars so I'm using the 1992 WWF Calendar this year. by MustacheDiaries (35508 points, 640 comments)
  3. Daniel Bryan medically cleared to return to in-ring action by RealWWE (26808 points, 6506 comments)
  4. kn0thing said you all wanted to see the belt. Banana for scale. by serenawilliams (24199 points, 990 comments)
  5. WWE has confirmed WrestleMania will not be taking place in Tampa Bay. It will instead air live on PPV/WWE Network and emanate from the WWE Performance Center. by suzukigun4life (22353 points, 4591 comments)
  6. (Wrestlemania Spoilers) Surprise at Wrestlemania. by boundedwum (19319 points, 1975 comments)
  7. Is this the right subreddit for this? (x-post /GeometryIsNeat) by Thehoneyfetish (18989 points, 401 comments)
  8. Earthquake (my dad) playing Tetris while my brother and sister look on. by LazyCanasian (18154 points, 541 comments)
  9. Good Guy Shawn Michaels helps kid with Down Syndrome who jumped the fence by ClintEastwood41 (17590 points, 822 comments)
  10. In memory of my dad today, here he is on his birthday excited for some hot disco hits! by LazyCanasian (17092 points, 429 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 6086 points: AmishAvenger's comment in Don't buy WWE 2K20, it is without question the worst and laziest installment in the series.
  2. 5039 points: KennyAlmighty's comment in How Big is Batista's Dick: A Comprehensive Investigation [NSFW]
  3. 4813 points: hey333's comment in Paul Heyman, Eric Bischoff to run WWE TV programs
  4. 4663 points: RoscoeSantangelo's comment in Vince McMahon officially bans all WWE talent from associating themselves with 3rd Parties (Twitch, Cameo). Talents given 30 days to comply.
  5. 4653 points: pulkit97nagar's comment in [AEW Double or Nothing Spoiler] Surprise appearance after the Main Event
  6. 4357 points: RichieD79's comment in Is this the right subreddit for this? (x-post /GeometryIsNeat)
  7. 4332 points: deleted's comment in "Rusev literally gave $25,000 of his own money to pay WWE production workers cause they weren’t getting paid."
  8. 4078 points: KaneRobot's comment in R-Truth joined protesters in Charlotte NC
  9. 4048 points: drmojo90210's comment in Stone Cold Steve Autism was the greatest of all time
  10. 4004 points: deleted's comment in WWE is changing the name of Moolah match: “After further consideration, we believe it’s best to proceed with the name ‘WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal.’ What remains most important is that this historic match is part of WWE’s unwavering commitment to the Women’s Division.
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]

2020.08.24 05:10 ludomastro Foundational Architecture

12 November 2124 OBITUARY John Dwayne Clanton Born: 27 April 2091 Died: 10 November 2124 CIN: 5469-985-96-9453216 “When you fall off the horse, you have to get right back on.” John “Wizzard” Clanton was a wonderful brother and an amazing uncle. He was a friend who was always there when you needed him. He leaves behind a love of programming and a hole in the hearts of those who knew him. 
Marissa couldn’t help but laugh as she watched the AR feed in her brother’s obituary. She had used one of the few trideos where John both smiled and looked somewhat normal. He was laughing and wearing that ridiculous, purple wizard’s hat. He swore it helped him program – or, as he called it, do magic.
Thanksgiving dinner this year was going to be a slog without John’s eccentricities. He always seemed able to draw the best out of their parents. Mom would be extra morose this year. Dad would be distant. She didn’t understand while they didn’t just divorce already. John would likely have found a way to get them laughing. But, cancer, despite all the assurances otherwise, still proved to be a heartless bastard. She sighed. Now what?
The quote from the obituary was one of John’s favorites. Not that he had even gotten close to a horse outside of VR. At least, as far as she knew. Her laugh faded into a small, sad smile as she called her boss.
“Hey, Marissa, I didn’t expect to hear from you today. Sorry for your loss. Do you have any details on the memorial service?” Susan’s avatar was missing and the voice connection was patchy; both of which were odd.
“Yes, the memorial service is tonight at six. We’ll meet at the cafe near my apartment. Hey, you getting anything weird on your end, Susan? I’m not seeing your avatar and the sound is a bit glitchy.”
“Yeah, seems like the net starting glitching around midnight. No idea what that’s about. Maybe the guys over at the Agency are tuning the net again. If you’re up to it later, maybe you ask that dreamboat of yours for an interview and do a report on it? We need to keep your name out there.”
“Sure, Susan. I’ll put that on my list right after the memorial service.”
“Hey, if you aren’t going to chase him, I might.”
The both giggled. Susan had been with Sarah for the last 14 years so that was an empty threat. On the other hand, Marissa’s dating life was still … complicated. However, Agent Dreamboat, otherwise known as Max White, was interesting. She had kept him out of the apartment because she didn’t want her daughter, to be confused. Not until she was sure of him at any rate.
She told herself, “One day at a time, Marissa. One day at a time.” She opened an app in AR and sent him a formal request for an interview. She opened the hand writing app and sent him a personal note asking to meet for lunch. If not one, then the other. Once she was done, Marissa swiped all the apps to the side. “At least my job is still safe. A girl needs some stability in her life.”
13 November 2124 Breaking News: Net connections are faltering around the globe. Experts baffled as to cause. Interview with Agent Smith from the Agency’s Global Oversight Division tonight at 2100 hours. 
Marissa sat down at a cafe near the Agency offices for lunch. Agent White had turned down her request for an interview; however, Max could spare a few minutes to have lunch with his girlfriend.
“Off the record is the best I can do. You know how it is.”
“I know, Max, I know. OK, so what the hell is going on with the net?”
“We don’t know and it’s scaring the pants off the higher-ups. They just don’t know why certain queries aren’t working or why voice data keeps trying to crash most apps.” He took another bite from his pannini and sat back for a second. “You ever heard of Solid 6?” He said it with the kind of reverence normally reserved something holy.
“No. Why?”
“Not sure but almost everything that’s not working mentions it in the code somewhere.”
“Could it be a virus?” The question sounded crazy to Marissa. The Agency was formally the Agency for News, Goods, Expenses, and Life. It was charged with oversight of the net and it hadn’t allowed a virus to affect the backbone of the economy in over 40 years.
Max shrugged. “Official, no. Unofficially?” He rocked his hand back and forth. “Not sure. But it’s something old. I mean there are references to this program going back at least 70 years.”
“But, wouldn’t that mean it predates the Agency?”
“By about a decade or so, yeah.”
14 November 2124 Break … ews: Net conn… falte … xperts baff … Viru … sible. 
Marissa’s original plan was to take her daughter, June, to the doctor for a cough. However, the net wasn’t just behaving oddly, it was as if the whole system was about to collapse in on itself. After the third attempt to summon an auto-cab failed, Marissa gave up. She got June’s favorite physical toy out of the closet and let her play in her room.
She stared out the window and frowned. The net was the economy and the economy was the net. If it was broken, it was going to be bad.
She looked at the 3D image of her brother in his wizard robe and said, “John, I could really use your help right now. Maybe some of that programming magic you talk about.”
To her shock, the image became animated. “Hello, Marissa. You asked for help. What do you need?”
Marissa jumped to her feet and choked out, “John? Is that you?”
“I’m sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.”
“I hope this isn’t one of your games. John, the net is acting strangely.”
“I’m sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.”
“Right. Ask. OK, why is the net acting strangely.”
“The net as we know it today rests upon older architecture.”
“Um, can the architecture break?”
“Yes, not all of the architecture is well understood. It requires repair by a dedicated few.”
“Who are the dedicated few?”
“The Order of Wizards.”
“The wizards?”
“I’m sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.”
“OK, how do I contact the order of Wizards?”
“That is the right question.”
Marissa jumped when she heard the knock at the door. A man and woman stood there.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you Marissa Clanton? May we come in?”
“I am. What is this about?”
“We have reason to believe your brother is the cause of the recent net outage and would like to speak with him.”
June had picked that moment to come out of her room. “Sorry lady, but my uncle died. You can’t talk to him anymore.”
“Go to your room honey, I’ll talk to these nice people.” She emphasize the word nice. Once June was safely in her room, she turned to the woman. “My brother died four days ago. Which, if you two Agents had bothered to check his Civilian Identification Number you would already know that. You know, the number the Agency assigns everyone at birth.”
“We aren’t part of the Agency.”
“Then who are you?”
The man piped up. “If you will allow us to come in we can ask a question that should clear things up.”
Marissa consented and waved them in.
The man said to the air, “When is a wizard late?”
John’s device came to life again. “A wizard is never late. Nor early. They arrive precisely when they mean to.”
“John, did you finish the update for Solid 6?”
“Yes. However, I’m afraid the Balrog claimed me before I could upload it.”
The woman’s eyes gleamed, “Where can we find it?”
“Look on the shores of Avalon.”
“Hold up, people. You barge into my apartment and ask the air about random things and my brother’s digital ghost tells you to go to Avalon. Wait, isn’t that where King Artos died?”
“Arthur. But, yes.”
“Who are you people?”
“The miniature John replied, “They are fellow members of the Order of Wizards. Please, Marissa, let them help.”
15 November 2124 Breaking News: Agency reports that a viral attack on the net by an anonymous group has been thwarted. Net connections are back to full strength. Agent Smith vows swift crackdown on the perpetrators. More at 1200 hours. 
16 November 2124 OBITUARY - UPDATED John Dwayne Clanton Born: 27 April 2091 Died: 10 November 2124 CIN: 5469-985-96-9453216 “A wizard arrives precisely when you need one.” John “Wizzard” Clanton was a wonderful brother and an amazing uncle. He was a friend who was always there when you needed him. He leaves behind a love of programming and a hole in the hearts of those who knew him. He also wished for an ANGEL [sic] to remember that the foundation should be Solid6 [sic]. 
This is dedicated to all those who do work the rest of us never see. Thank you for making the architecture of life work when we need it to.
Inspired by this web comic: https://xkcd.com/2347/
It came out a bit different from how I imagined it. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it.
submitted by ludomastro to HFY [link] [comments]

2020.08.08 15:34 lameflamingo lameflamingo #6: Fighting With My Family (2019)

Date Started: 07/18/2020
Date Watched: 07/26/2020
Watched On: Amazon Prime
IMDB: A former wrestler and his family make a living performing at small venues around the country while his kids dream of joining World Wrestling Entertainment.
Thoughts: This movie was recommended to me by a friend after I shared how much I have enjoyed Florence Pugh (Little Women, Midsommar). I'm not a big sports movie person so I went into this film cautiously. But it exceeded my low expectations! Based on a true story, it documents the process of a young woman and her (and her families) dreams of joining WWE. I had no idea of the theatrical nature of this sport. I found it to be very engaging and it made me actually want to watch WWE where no other sports movie has piqued my interest enough to follow up on the actual activity itself. It's a good family comedy. Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson has a nice little cameo (even though he is featured prominently on the cover). I think this is the perfect role for Vince Vaughn as a side character rather than a romantic lead (no offense). Overall, a good comedy that you probably haven't seen before.
EDIT: I can't count. This is #5. Don't tell anyone.
submitted by lameflamingo to 100movies365days [link] [comments]

2020.07.31 17:44 JeffreyBoswell NFL 2020: The Year In Preview

* Myles Garrett and former New Orleans Saint Kyle Turley meet for a charity helmet-removal ceremony on November 14th, the anniversary of Garrett's incident with Mason Rudolph. The event, dubbed "The Great American NFL Jerk-Off," raises $250,000 for charity.
* After 149 receptions in 2019, the Saints Michael Thomas one-ups himself, posting 150 catches, 79 more than Miami's DeVante Parker. Thomas then tweets at Parker: "Congratulations! You made the 'All Pronoun Team,' because no one knows your name. #He.'"
* DeAndre Hopkins explodes to start the season, with 32 receptions, 396 receiving yards, and 6 touchdowns in his first four games. Asked what the key to his amazing success is, Hopkins replies, "Miles and miles of separation ... from Bill O'Brien."
* Philip Rivers has the second-most famous surgery for a Colts quarterback when he undergoes a vasectomy in October. In his next game back on October 18 versus the Jets, Rivers shoots blanks in the first quarter, going 0-7.
Rivers bounces back the following week, when he and his wife announce that they're expecting their 10th child in July.
On the year, Rivers is efficient and limits his interceptions as the Colts ride the league's best rushing game and a strong defense to the AFC South title.
* In his first game as a Falcon, Todd Gurley rushes for 11 yards on 8 carries and 4 touchdowns, all 1-yard touchdown runs, as Atlanta beats Carolina, 31-24.
A knee injury sidelines Gurley in Week 4, an ailment which never fully heals. Gurley ultimately plays in only 7 games, and leads the league in touches, from the medical staff.
* Jameis Winston cuts his interception total from 30 in 2019 to 17 in 2020. Winston attributes the vast improvement not only to clearer vision due to Lasik surgery, but also to attempting only 34 passes as the backup to Drew Brees.
The Saints finish the season 12-4, one game ahead of the 11-5 Buccaneers, and beat the Buccaneers in the NFC Championship Game.
* The Las Vegas Raiders christen Allegiant Stadium on opening day as former Raider legend Sebastian Janikowski serves as Master of Ceremonies. After ceremoniously breaking a bottle of Dom Perignon on the stadium's facade, Janikowski opens another bottle and offers glasses of champagne to each of the 32 Raiderettes, who all unanimously decline to drink.
The Raiders are toast in their opener, as the Saints crush them, 31-12.
* On opening day against the visiting Chargers, a sluggish Joe Burrow tosses 4 interceptions, is sacked 5 times, and vomits on the field in the third quarter. In the post-game press conference, Burrow apologizes for his performance, and promises to learn from his mistakes, and swears he'll never spend another Saturday night with Pacman Jones.
On the season, Burrow passes for 3,756 yards and 4 touchdowns with 16 interceptions, and the Bengals finish 3-13, last in the AFC North.
* After re-aggravating a back injury on October 4th, Rob Gronkowski announces his retirement. Just two days later, Gronk agrees to terms to host two new television shows during fall sweeps, Discovery Channel's "The Science of Drinking Games," and MTV's "Celebrity Sack Tap."
* On November 1st, with the Packers holding a 10-point lead over the visiting Vikings with 7 seconds left and with possession, a heartbroken Aaron Rodgers takes a knee, and proposes to former girlfriend Danica Patrick. In a touching twist, Brett Favre rolls up in a golf cart and presents the band, a green opal set in a 100% copper ring, as well as a Copper Fit wedding gown.
Patrick declines the offer via Twitter, and later reveals she left Rodgers for David Spade.
Rodgers leads the Packers to a second-place finish in the NFC North and a wild card berth in the playoffs.
* In November, Christian McCaffrey opens a nightclub in downtown Charlotte called "Run CMCBGB's WWJD," a venue that offers Christian rock, world-class atmosphere, and exotic VIP lounges, all in an alcohol-free environment. The club shutters its doors in December due to lack of interest.
McCaffrey is all business on the field, and leads the NFL in touches for the second consecutive year, with 399, and later pens a book chronicling his 2020 season, titled "Just Give Me the Darn Ball."
* ESPN's 2021 "Body" issue breaks new ground, featuring not athletes, but the equipment that trains them. Not surprisingly, football's "Jugs Machine" lands the coveted cover spot.
* Cam Newton easily wins the starting quarterback job in New England and dominates in the Patriots first four games. Newton enters the Week 5 game against the visiting Broncos with 4 rushing touchdowns and 7 passing scores, but literally loses his "s," crapping his pants when he sees Von Miller across the line.
Amazingly, the incident leads to an endorsement deal with Nautica's fashion sleepwear, in which Newton appears in print ads saying, "When you're pooped and need a change, try Nautica pajamas."
* On his first two rush attempts as a Bronco, Melvin Gordon fumbles, and the "Melvin Gordon II" memes are born, such as "Time II Bench Melvin Gordon," "Dos Ickies," "II Bad," "All II Often," and "Boyz II Bench."
Gordon's ball-handling struggles continue into October, but he eventually turns things around, thanks to the help of a clinic of hypnotists, whom Gordon refers to as his "Dream Team."
Gordon finishes the season with 799 yards on the ground and 450 receiving yards with 7 total touchdowns.
* The Seahawks visit the Rams on November 15th, and Jalen Ramsey and Jamal Adams convene at midfield prior to kickoff. The two exchange pleasantries and discuss plans to co-write a book tentatively titled "How to Alienate Friends, Influence Public Opinion, Be the Walking Definition of 'Disgruntled' and Force a Trade."
In a Week 14 contest versus the visiting Jets, Seattle defeats Adams' former team 27-13. Adams has 2 interceptions, but complains he could have played better.
* Bears legends Mike Ditka and Willie Gault team up to promote American Home Equity Bank & Semi-trust's "Double Reverse Mortgage," which encourages elderly Bears fans to "live fast, die soon."
Chicago's on-the-field product is just as untrustworthy, and a 2-5 start results in the firing of Matt Nagy on October 27th. Ditka is briefly considered for the job along with Bob Swerski, but the assignment ultimately goes to defensive coordinator Chuck Pagano, who leads the Bears to a 7-9 finish.
* With his signature blond hair back, Odell Beckham, Jr. announces the "Blond Ambition Tour 2020." Beckham later appears on the cover of Vogue, then completes the hat trick when he reveals that he is dating Madonna.
Beckham finishes the season with 87 receptions for 1,234 yards and 10 touchdowns, while the Browns finish 9-7, behind the Ravens and Steelers in the AFC North.
* Attendance is Los Angeles for the Chargers first four home games is abysmal, with attendance averaging around 30,000 in SoFi Stadium, which seats 70,000. Many attribute it to the unwillingness of San Diego and surrounding area residents to travel to Los Angeles, a phenomenon called "SoCal Distancing."
The Chargers struggle on the field also, finishing in a tie for last in the AFC West with the Raiders at 6-10.
* Patrick Mahomes purchases an island in the Lesser Antilles on September 17th to celebrate his 25th birthday. With a massive $477 million contract under his belt, Mahomes christens the getaway "Treasure Island," and posts a Gilligan's Island-themed pic on Twitter showing Mahomes as Gilligan and Andy Reid as the Skipper.
Mahomes passes for 4,788 yards and 42 touchdowns and the Chiefs repeat as Super Bowl champions when they defeat the Saints, 31-27.
* After seeing the 2010 movie Inception, Dallas owner Jerry Jones asks his R&D department to inquire into the possibility of "planting a seed in the head of that agent of Dak Prescott's."
Jones is talked out of the scheme and into "Plan B," which is merely receiving an 8x10 signed photograph of Leonardo DiCaprio.
* Former Carolina and Dallas defensive end Greg Hardy is victimized by an elaborate prank organized by Sasha Baron Cohen. In the scheme, Cohen, posing as a UFC matchmaker named "Joo Shih Tzu," convinces Hardy to participate in the organization's first inter-gender contest, to take place at UFC 253 in Las Vegas against a female opponent to be named later. Hardy readily accepts before Cohen reveals the ruse, sending Hardy into a frenzy.
* Drew Brees finally "takes a knee," albeit just to the groin, when he appears as a guest on MTV's "Johnny Knoxville's Jackass NFL Punt, Pass, and Kick in the Balls Special." The show airs as part of the network's "Football is Back" programming on September 9th, sandwiched between 12 hours of "Ridiculousness."
* In the Packers home opener against the Lions on September 20, Aaron Rodgers connects with DaVante Adams on a 15-yard TD pass late in the first quarter. Adams then celebrates with a Lambeau Leap into the empty stands and bangs his head on an empty seat. Adams enters the NFL's concussion protocol, while the Packers secure a federal loan to outfit the end zone seats with NASCAR's "SAFER Barrier."
* Gardner Minshew II lights up the Bengals in Week 4 for 450 yards passing and 5 TD passes in a 42-17 Jags rout. Minshew is named AFC Offensive Player of the Week, and honor topped just a day later when Minshew is tapped for the role of Bo Darville in Smokey and the Bandit 4.
* Washington stuns the Cowboys, 24-23, on Thanksgiving, led by 3 TD scores, 2 on the ground, from Dwayne Haskins. Haskins celebrates back in D.C. on Friday night, a little too hard, and is cited for urinating in public, leading to the embarrassing headline "Dwayne Vein Drain" in The Washington Post.
NFC Division Winners
NFC East: Philadelphia NFC North: Minnesota NFC South: New Orleans NFC West: San Francisco
Wild Cards
Dallas Tampa Bay L.A. Rams
NFC Championship
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
AFC Division Winners
AFC East: Buffalo AFC North: Baltimore AFC South: Indianapolis AFC West: Kansas City
Wild Cards
Pittsburgh Tennessee Cleveland
AFC Championship
Kansas City over Pittsburgh
Super Bowl LV
Kansas City over New Orleans
Super Bowl LV Halftime Performers
Kanye West, Kacey Musgraves, and Tool
submitted by JeffreyBoswell to nflcirclejerk [link] [comments]

2020.07.31 07:00 LonghornMod [7/31/2020] Friday's Off Topic Free Talk Thread

/LonghornNation Daily Off Topic Free Talk Thread

Today: 7/31/2020
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Your go-to place to talk about whatever you want. From the dumb shit aggies do on a near daily basis, to the latest whatever happening wherever. What ya got?

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  5. @MikeRoach247 RT @simplyCoachO: #DISD and she has a pure jumper 🔥
  6. @_delconte Texas Athletics is working closely with President Hartzell and Chairman Eltife to explore a 25% capacity model at f… https://t.co/HiC9EgNRHg

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  1. TIL Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's father descended from Black Loyalists, who escaped to Nova Scotia after the Revolutionary War on the promise of British emancipation.
  2. A caribou captured shedding its velvet.
  3. Just increased my car’s value by 1 billion dollars
  4. Class Guide
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  1. Fall Football & COVID-19: Conference and Team Decisions
  2. Team COVID-19 Numbers and Results
  3. Alabama fan Harvey Updyke, poisoner of Auburn trees, dead at 71
  4. SEC presidents have adopted a plan to play a 10-game, conference-only schedule this fall. League approved kickoff date is Sept. 26. Particulars on the schedule (the two additional games & locations) are unclear for now. SEC title game Dec. 19.
  5. New lawsuit alleges Bo Schembechler knew about sexual abuse by UM doctor Robert Anderson
  6. South Carolina BOT member Chuck Allen tells The Athletic CFB SEC vote was 13-1. "My understanding is the vote was 13-1 with our president, Bob Caslen, being the sole dissenting vote and part of the reason for his dissenting vote was the rivalry with Clemson."
  7. The USC-Alabama game scheduled for September 5 at the Dallas Cowboys’ stadium has officially been canceled.
  1. [7/30/2020] Thursday's Off Topic Free Talk Thread
  2. The South End Zone Is Looking Good
  3. SEC establishes new conference-only football start date
  4. Marquise Goodwin explains his decision to opt out of the 2020 NFL season
  5. Film Breakdown: 5'11 310 lbs Poona Ford
  6. DB Anthony Cook will return to the team, per Inside Texas
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2020.07.08 19:04 bigredsbiglife Muscle loss?

23/M/ HW 442, CW 431, consulting surgeon today and setting date for sleeve. I have this fear of losing all my muscle and becoming 'thin'. I know it's ridiculous to say your scared of losing too much weight, but I'm a very muscular guy and I'm worried about losing it all after getting the surgery. I don't want to be super thin, I want to be built like the guys in Strong Man competitions, like Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I'm scared of not being strong anymore. Does anyone have any experience with this field? Are you able to eat enough to body build after the surgery (after the 6 months of healing of course) and when were you able to work out intensely? I have a dream of being able to go on long hikes with my friends after losing weight, but I don't want to jeopardize my health by doing it too soon after surgery. Thank you for all your insight!
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2020.06.19 22:07 Lo_Chonkle tifu by sending a pic of BaROCK Obama and saying "titties"

So today I was on a dating app and matched a cute girl. She engaged the conversation and we talked all the afternoon, she did some vocals laughing (so I know my jokes were goods and things were fine). Sometimes during the conversation I joked about how i looked like Dwayne Johnson. Later while browsing my gallery I found a pic of Barack Obama and The Rock mixed together. I decided it would be fun to send her the image.
She laughed and said he was pretty hot, and I respond with ;"Damn I wish I could match a man like this".
-You should propably check out the guy on this app so. (but she sounded serious)
Then to clarify the situation I said :"Yeah I like The Rock pectoral, but also titties " (There was no sexual ulterior motive, I did no sexual reference during all the talking) Or you can translate it by nipples but in my language it's not offensive, kid use this word (tété in french)
And she respond with a vocal where a voice seemed a bit upset :" Did you just said "titties" ?!"
-"Yeah but that was a joke, I found the word funny, just wanted to use word that make me laugh"
-You know I could report you haha ?
-Why ? Because I said "titties" ??
-Then I guess you find the word "micro penis" funny ??
And I explained that the scientist could have chosen a word that is not so straightfoward because everyone understands it right away...so yeah a little funny for me.
And in less than 2 min she deleted the match and blocked me on insta. Guess I fucked up.
But my males and females friends find the situation funny and it wasn't offensive. Tell me if it is and if I have a childish humour.

tl;dr : I said to a girl I matched earlier, I like The Rock nipples, but girls too. And she deleted me from all social media
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2020.06.14 09:13 24hon Michael Bay’s Best Movies, Ranked from Worst to Best - michael bay upcoming movies

Listen, nobody blows shit up like Michael Bay. He’s arguably the most famous action director in the world right now, if not of all time, and with good reason. He invented a style of action filmmaking that has become a cinematic language all its own, and is responsible for some of the most successful movies ever made. The man is a homunculus of Lamborghinis and pure testosterone, and might be the only person in history to have completely transformed into a meme of himself.
But there’s a genuine talent present in that shell of car parts and sunglasses. You only need to look at how many directors have tried to imitate his style with disastrous results to know that a deft hand created all those whirling low-angle shots replete with lens flares. Bay is an undeniably skilled technician, and while that might be the only aspect of filmmaking he is good at, he is very fucking good at it. Unfortunately, his extremely problematic views routinely seep into his work, so to enjoy his movies, you have to be willing to sit through a handful of extremely dated gay jokes and roll your eyes all the way into the back of your head every time he introduces a female character by parking the camera directly on her butt. Weirdly, these things seem to be the most present in his Transformers movies, a fact my mother discovered when she took my ten-year-old nephew to see one thinking it would be like the harmless cartoon I watched as a kid. You were wrong, Mom. Dead wrong.
Bay’s latest film 6 Underground, starring Ryan Reynolds as the leader of a team of vigilantes who all faked their own deaths in order to target extremely dangerous international criminals, premieres on Netflix today, and it’s a pretty big deal. With a budget of $150 million, it’s the most expensive movie ever produced by Netflix, and it looks like Bay has spent every last dime of that production money blowing shit up into the goddamn stratosphere. To celebrate the release of 6 Underground, I’ve ranked all of Bay’s previous films, beginning with the least good and building all the way up to the best good.

10. The Transformers Sequels
The Transformers sequels can easily be described as four of the worst movies ever made, or, for brevity’s sake, one of the worst movies ever made. Like the big-screen Cybertronians themselves, they’re virtually indistinguishable from each other. The franchise is a 10 ½ hour loud noise that occasionally takes breaks long enough to tell homophobic and/or racist jokes, ogle its actresses, and have Mark Wahlberg drink a beer. Remember how long-winded and overblown the Star Wars prequels got, with George Lucas behind the wheel at the height of his power with nobody left around him willing to tell him “no”? That’s Michael Bay making the Transformers sequels. Already a self-indulgent director by nature, these four films are Bay at his most gratuitous, weaving incomprehensible plots around action sequences so overloaded with visual effects that you can’t even tell what’s happening. Also, the shortest of the Transformers sequels clocks in at a brisk 2 ½ hours, with one of them damn near hitting the 3-hour mark. That’s entirely too much time to spend watching Transformers.
9. Pearl Harbor
Pearl Harbor was Michael Bay’s first “failure,” which is a strange thing to say about a movie that made almost half a billion dollars and won an Academy Award (the first and only one of Bay’s films to do so). Pearl Harbor failed in the sense that critics hated it (not exactly new territory for Bay), it didn’t make as much money as his previous mega-budgeted film Armageddon, and history has not been kind to it. Let me just say that I completely agree with history on this one. This movie deserved to fail. Watching this bloated sack of melodrama, I get the feeling that Bay saw James Cameron’s Titanic, which had just become the biggest film of all time, and decided to try and make Pearl Harbor a love story as well. I guess I understand the impulse, as both films prominently feature the sinking of boats, but taking the story of one of the most important days in American history and turning it into a weird love triangle between Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, and Josh Hartnett delivering the most wooden performances of their respective careers seems like a poor decision. Really, any time Michael Bay attempts to make an actual drama is cause for alarm (see Armageddon). That said, Bay is an extremely talented action director, and the attack on Pearl Harbor is a well-staged sequence that’s definitely worth seeing. Just skip to that part of the movie and then turn it off immediately.
8. Armageddon
Armageddon was the highest-grossing film in the entire world in 1998, and I suspect a large portion of that success might be due to the hit Aerosmith song on the movie’s soundtrack. That song slapped before we even knew songs did that, and it slapped worldwide. The movie, on the other hand, is just kind of OK. Bruce Willis stars as Harry Stamper, an offshore oil driller who must travel into space with his crew to drill a hole in an apocalyptic asteroid and deposit a nuclear device to blast it apart into harmless fragments before it crashes into Earth and obliterates the human race. Harry’s daughter, played by Liv Tyler, is in love with Stamper’s oil-drilling protege A.J. (Ben Affleck), but A.J. and Harry have to put their differences aside to save the world. To be perfectly honest, it’s classic Hollywood melodrama, executed by an impressive ensemble cast that includes Billy Bob Thornton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan, Will Patton, Peter Stormare, William Fichtner, Jason Isaacs, and Owen Wilson. It’s cheesy and entirely too long, and the premise is ludicrous on its face, but Armageddon is a fun and memorable watch. And rest assured, Michael Bay still found a way to include car chases and explosions in space.
7. Transformers
Transformers isn’t the best movie about Transformers (that distinction goes to Travis Knight’s Bumblebee), but Transformers walked so that Bumblebee could run. And unlike it’s numerous sequels, Transformers is also kind of a real movie; Bay takes time establishing a human cast of characters that we actually kinda sorta care about, a little bit, and the action scenes are staged from their point of view, which gives the audience an anchor point and prevents all the explosions and shapeshifting metal aliens from becoming visual gibberish. And the opening sequence, wherein a Decepticon helicopter attacks a military base, is very well done and genuinely creepy. Thanks in large part to Shia LaBeouf’s performance as the perpetually bewildered high school student Sam Witwicky, Transformers still feels like a fun summer action film based on something you used to love as a kid. And that final action sequence is a freaking blast – I almost stood up in the theater when Starscream showed up. This movie was never great, but there was definitely something to it that’s missing in all of the sequels.
6. 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi
Nobody ever wanted to hear Michael Bay weigh in on a contentious geopolitical fiasco that cost several human lives, but that didn’t stop him from making Pearl Harbor, so here we are. 13 Hours is essentially Michael Bay’s Black Hawk Down, and, historical inaccuracy and jingoistic revisionism aside, it isn’t half bad. It’s a retelling of the infamous 2012 Benghazi attack on an American diplomatic facility in Libya, focusing on the team of American private military contractors tasked with protecting the diplomats. Arguably the most notable thing about 13 Hours is that it gave us swole John Krasinski, who bulked up for his role as one of the contractors. The always-excellent James Badge Dale plays his friend and commander. It’s a decent thriller that gradually tightens a noose around the main characters before erupting into an extended action sequence expertly staged by a man who loves explosions more than anything in this world.
5. The Island
The Island might be Michael Bay’s most forgotten film, in that nobody ever talks about it and I routinely forget that it exists. It came out in 2005, which was sort of a blasted wasteland for movies, and on top of that it was a critical and commercial bomb. But it’s not that bad! It’s about a mysterious dystopian facility whose residents live in almost childlike simplicity until they finally earn their promised trip to the mythical Island. As it turns out, they’re all clones of wealthy, powerful people, created for the purposes of organ harvesting. So a trip to “the Island” is the same thing as taking the family dog to “the farm.” It’s a fairly decent science fiction premise that Bay clumsily transforms into an action chase film midway through. Now, Bay is unassailably a great action director, and I’ve already said that the science fiction element was genuinely intriguing. It’s just that Bay isn’t able to make the two pieces fit, so the whole thing comes off like “worse Minority Report.” But Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson turn in fun performances as the runaway clones, and some of the action sequences are pretty great. (Bay famously reused footage from one of the car chases in Transformers: Dark of the Moon.)
4. Bad Boys II
The sequel to Bay’s 1995 hit Bad Boys reteams Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as the wealthiest cops in Miami. Seriously, look at the size of Lawrence’s house in this movie. I think it’s legitimately bigger than the villainous drug dealer’s. Bad Boys II successfully recaptures what made Bay’s debut film so enjoyable by letting its two stars be charming and funny. Smith and Lawrence have great chemistry, and the scenes in which they get to bounce off of each other are the best parts of the movie. The main problem with this big-budget action comedy sequel is arguably the action, in that there’s simply too much of it. That sounds like a weird complaint, but after hitting the second hour of the film’s 2 1/2 hour runtime, you definitely start to wonder if maybe one or two of the car chases or gunfights could’ve been cut. Oh well. Michael Bay’s gonna Michael Bay. Also, Michael Shannon shows up in a delightful early role in which he spends most of his time stuffed in NFL legend Dan Marino’s trunk. So honestly, this movie rules.
3. Pain & Gain
The true-crime black comedy Pain & Gain is easily the strangest film in Bay’s enormous Bud Light-sponsored holster. Based on a series of articles written by Pete Collins for Miami New Times, the movie follows a group of impossibly muscular criminals who hatch a bizarre scheme to kidnap a rich man from their gym. Things spiral wildly out of control almost immediately, ending in extortion, torture, fraud, attempted murder, more kidnapping, and finally multiple murder. The trio, played by Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, and Anthony Mackie, are cartoonish dimwits. They’re perpetually in over their heads, and as their plan continues to escalate in both violence and absurdity, they handle it with such dumb-guy unearned confidence that you truly can’t help but laugh, even when they’re cutting up dead bodies to be dissolved in drums of acid. The movie was criticized for trivializing the reprehensible acts committed by the real-life Sun Gym gang, and I can’t really disagree – Bay wanted to make a comedy, so when presented with the choice of jokes or pathos, he goes with jokes 100% of the time. And it is very funny, although the humor always carries Bay’s undeniable mean-spiritedness. Just don’t think of it as a documentary, because it absolutely isn’t.
2. Bad Boys
Bad Boys was originally supposed to be made starring Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz, and knowing there’s a universe in which that film exists is a thought experiment that will send your brain into a catatonic feedback loop. Michael Bay’s directorial debut is an over-the-top buddy cop action comedy that takes place in a world populated by R-rated cartoon characters. (Honestly, that’s the world in which all of Bay’s films takes place.) However, stars Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are so much fun and have so much chemistry together that Bay at the very least understands when he needs to stay the hell out of their way. The end result is the perfect blend of Bay’s gonzo action movie sensibilities with two genuinely funny and charismatic main characters. It’s a formula Bay has tried to repeat several times over in his career, but while he always delivers the action, his actors have never been able to live up to the legendary pairing of Smith and Lawrence as loose cannon Miami PD detectives
1. The Rock
The Rock is not only Michael Bay’s finest film, it’s also a perfect snapshot of the height of 90s action movies and is arguably the reason Nicolas Cage became the version of Nicolas Cage he remains to this day. Cage wasn’t an action star in 1996; prior to The Rock, he’d starred almost exclusively in comedies and dramas. Bay had the glorious vision to pair him up as a comedic sidekick to a profusely hairpieced Sean Connery and toss them both into a secret mission to infiltrate the island prison of Alcatraz to rescue a bunch of tourists taken hostage by a rogue Marine Corps general looking to blackmail the United States government into paying benefits to the families of soldiers killed on classified missions. Ed Harris plays the sympathetic general, and his impressive cast of underlings include David Morse, John C McGinley, Tony Todd, and Bokeem Woodbine. John Spencer (Rest in Paradise) even shows up as the most grizzled FBI chief in recorded history.
Bay blows so much shit up in The Rock that the carbon footprint of this movie alone must’ve shaved 500 years off the Earth’s lifespan. Connery and Cage trade barbs as they work their way through the island, dispatching the traitorous marines with shocking amounts of violence including a man getting his head crushed by an air conditioner and Cage delivering a protracted diatribe about the Elton John song “Rocket Man” before killing his foe with an actual rocket. This is Michael Bay’s greatest work, and I will hear no argument to the contrary.
Michael bay upcoming movies
The Purge 5
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2020.06.11 18:10 SanderSo47 'Artemis Fowl' Review Thread

Rotten Tomatoes: 14% (56 reviews) with a 3.91 average rating
Critics consensus: A would-be franchise-starter that will anger fans of the source material and leave newcomers befuddled, Artemis Fowl is frustratingly flightless.
Metacritic: 32/100 (26 critics)
The scores will change as time passes. Meanwhile, I’ll post some short reviews.
This long-in-development adaptation, directed with misplaced bravado by Kenneth Branagh, has enough plot for four or five movies, none of which you will want to see. The idea of bringing a popular YA franchise — more than 25 million copies sold worldwide — to the screen is to expand the fan base, not shrink it.
-David Rooney, The Hollywood Reporter
In a film built on a bestselling eight-book series, filled with all manner of magical beings (including Colin Farrell), and rich in fairy tale history, the best scene is one in which its grating narrator farts on a passerby. You didn’t see that in the “Harry Potter” films, and for good reason.
-Kate Erbland, IndieWire: D+
Images and characters bounce around like shapes on a screensaver and only McDonnell and Gad’s performances have any fizz. This is a YA-franchise by numbers.
-Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian: 2/4
What a waste. Screenwriters Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl have taken a not-very-good book and turned it into a downright awful movie. How could Branagh — whose projects remain so firmly grounded in character, no matter their scale — have lost sight of the fact that a movie named “Artemis Fowl” should have focused on making the character someone audiences wanted to be around? Then the idea of spending more time with him in future adventures might actually appeal. Instead, we get a movie with a loosely defined hero, an even vaguer villain and a whole lot of things flying at the screen, in service of one of those endings that suggests we’ve just watched the origin story for a character we’ll never hear from again.
-Peter Debruge, Variety
An overqualified adult cast and some fun moments can’t entirely compensate for a defanged protagonist and too-static plot. This fantasy desperately needed a little more magic.
-Helen O'Hara, Empire: 2/5
I can’t imagine this movie pleasing anyone. It’s drastically different than the book it’s based upon, and watching Gad or co-star Judi Dench, who plays a commander of the fairy forces, growl all their lines isn’t amusing enough to stick with this misfire. Kids deserve good, PG-rated adventure movies, but Artemis Fowl struggles to cohere let alone tell an interesting tale. Sure, you can watch it on Disney+, but you could also find countless other ways to better spend 95 minutes of your time.
-Matt Goldberg, Collider: F
When I was an intern at Tribeca Productions almost 20 years ago, there was a screenplay for an Artemis Fowl movie in the company’s script library. I don’t remember any of its specifics, but I do remember thinking it wasn’t very good — and sure enough, that version of the movie got stuck in development hell for many years, until Disney picked up the property and began work on the film we finally got. I can’t say for certain that any of the previous iterations of the material, including one that would have been directed by Jim Sheridan, would have been any better than this one. All I know for sure is it was not worth the wait.
-Matt Singer, Screen Crush: 2/10
The Disney version of Artemis Fowl covers everything in a blanket of bland that suggests the dull juvenilia in the film versions of Percy Jackson and The Golden Compass rather than the vigorous battle between good and evil that marked the novels. Instead, worlds collide at an Italian wedding where an escaped goblin goes on a rampage. “Most humans are afraid of gluten,” says Mulch, noting that there’s no way they can handle a goblin. The best way to handle this relentlessly nice movie that deserved a touch of nasty, is to enjoy the few flashes of what have been before the sheer heaviness of the production stomps out all the fun.
-Peter Travers, Rolling Stone: 1.5/5
Artemis Fowl, the first Disney movie to have its theatrical release completely scrapped because of the COVID-19 pandemic, is bland and incoherent, with paper-thin character development, unimaginative world building, and a lot of daddy issues.
-Roxana Hadadi, The A.V. Club: D+
And though it would have been lovely to take in the lavish set pieces and the cool CGI creations and the whiz-bang action sequences on the big screen, “Artemis Fowl” still plays well as a warm and funny and entertaining at-home family viewing experience.
-Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times: 3/4
Rather than being a massive foul-up, “Artemis Fowl” is a sufficient spycraft fantasy that could benefit from the inevitable sequel, and Gad proves once again to be the Mouse House’s Dwayne Johnson, a rock-solid personality who makes everything around him better.
-Brian Truitt, USA Today
“Artemis Fowl” is trying to be something very different – bigger, beefier, flashier and not as magical. You can’t really blame it for aiming lower, but there’s enough tantalizing promise here to wish that it didn’t.
-Steve Pond, The Wrap
Artemis Fowl concocts an adventure that requires its privileged hero to go virtually nowhere, physically or emotionally. As if he ordered it on Instacart, conflict is simply dropped off on his front stoop, and all he has to do is throw on some shoes and sunglasses to pick it up.
-Pat Brown, Slant: 1.5/4
I tried desperately to keep my expectations for an Artemis Fowl movie low. Just because a movie isn’t a shot-for-shot adaptation of its source material doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad, I kept telling myself, as my hopes sank lower and lower through the film. But Artemis Fowl is not just a disappointing adaptation, it’s a badly made movie. Its Frankensteined plot and its shockingly poor CGI — which could have passed in an early 2000s movie, but not in 2020 — leave it no redeeming qualities. It gives me no joy to say that yet another movie adaptation of a beloved childhood property has wasted Colin Farrell.
-Hoai-Tran Bui, /FILM: 1/10
It’s not clear who the film is even for. Anyone who grew up reading Colfer’s novels over a decade ago will have moved on. And unlike later Potter films, there’s none of the darkness or depth to appeal beyond the youngest viewers. Barely serviceable as a lockdown time-filler, this is a major (Arte)misfire. Without the darkness or depth of the Harry Potter movies, Artemis Fowl fails to find an audience over 10 years old
-Jordan Farley, Total Film: 2/5
Kenneth Branagh
Conor McPherson & Hamish McColl
Patrick Doyle
Haris Zambarloukos
Matthew Tucker
Release date:
June 12, 2020 on Disney+
$125 million
  • Ferdia Shaw as Artemis Fowl II
  • Lara McDonnell as Holly Short
  • Josh Gad as Mulch Diggums
  • Tamara Smart as Juliet Butler
  • Nonso Anozie as Domovoi Butler
  • Colin Farrell as Artemis Fowl I
  • Judi Dench as Commander Julius Root
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2020.05.31 00:23 tonnie_taller The 10 Highest-Grossing Video Game Movies Of All Time (According To Box Office Mojo)

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For almost as long as there have been video games, there have been video game movies. The first, an anime film based on Nintendo’s successful Super Mario Bros._franchise, appeared in 1986, but they really gained popularity with the releases of Hollywood hits like Street Fighter and _Mortal Kombat_in 1994 and 1995, respectively. The poorly-reviewed box-office bombs _Super Mario Bros.(the live-action one) and Double Dragon, which were released earlier, didn’t make much of an impact.
RELATED: 5 Upcoming Video Game Movies That Could Be Great (& 5 That Would Probably Fail)
Despite this sudden rise in popularity, however, video game movies have a negative trend associated with them. Most receive poor reviews from critics, and many are box-office bombs. However, that’s not to say none of them manage to make it to box-office glory; many of them have. Here are the 10 highest-grossing video game movies ever made, based on data collected from Box Office Mojo.

10 Tomb Raider (2018) – $274 Million

A reboot of the film franchise of the same name, 2018’s Tomb Raider stars Alicia Vikander as the titular character, Lara Croft, who discovers a centuries-old mystery when investigating her father’s disappearance.
RELATED: 5 Reasons Why Street Fighter (1994) Is The Best Video Game Movie Of The 90s (& 5 Why It’s Mortal Kombat)
While the film polarized critics (especially on the topic of Croft’s character), it was a relative financial success, making $274 million worldwide on a budget of around $100 million.

9 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) – $274 Million

2001’s _Lara Croft: Tomb Raider_stars Angelina Jolie in the titular role, as she travels across the globe to keep the Illuminati from obtaining an ancient artifact that could bring about the end of the world.
RELATED: 10 Best Video Game Movies, Ranked According To Rotten Tomatoes
While it received mixed to negative reviews from critics, it was a fairly large box office success, grossing $274 million worldwide and earning a sequel, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life, in 2003.

8 Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) – $300 Million

Despite receiving largely negative reviews from critics, the Resident Evil film franchise – based on the sci-fi horror video game series of the same name – has been hugely successful at the box office. The fourth installment, Resident Evil: Afterlife, was released in 2010 and follows protagonist Alice (played by Milla Jovovich) as she attempts to rescue the survivors of the previous film’s T-Virus outbreak.
The film made more than $300 million worldwide, on a budget of just $60 million.

7 Sonic The Hedgehog (2020) – $306 Million

Based on the popular Sega video game series of the same name, 2020’s _Sonic the Hedgehog_seemed destined to fail from the start. After the first trailer’s release, fans called out the many problems with Sonic’s creepy character design, leading to the film being postponed in order for the VFX artists to fix the problem.
RELATED: The 1o Best Video Game Movie Villains Of All Time (Including Dr. Robotnik)
Surprisingly, this actually worked, and the film went on to make more than $306 million at the worldwide box office.

6 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016) – $314 Million

The sixth installment of its eponymous film franchise, 2016’s aptly-named _Resident Evil: The Last Chapter_ follows spy gone rogue Alice as she leads the T-Virus survivors to one final stand against Umbrella, the mega-corporation that created the pandemic.
While it received mixed reviews from critics, the film did surprisingly well at the box office, making more than $312 million worldwide and becoming the franchise’s highest-grossing installment to date.

5 Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time (2010) – $336 Million

The action-adventure video game series _Prince of Persia_definitely seemed like an unlikely candidate for a feature film adaptation, but one happened anyway – and, surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad, at least not for the video-game-adaptations genre.
The film, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, follows Dastan, a prince in ancient Persia who finds a dagger that allows him to travel through time. Despite being made on a whopping budget of $150 million, the film managed to make $336 million at the box office, and it briefly held the title of the highest-grossing video game movie ever made.

4 The Angry Birds Movie (2016) – $352 Million

A bouncy, kid-oriented film adaptation of the video game about birds who launch themselves at their pig enemies via slingshot, _The Angry Birds Movie_wasn’t a big hit with critics, to say the least.
However, there was enough of an audience to void any damage the poor reviews might have done, and the film made $352 million worldwide – enough to earn a (significantly better-reviewed) sequel in 2019.

3 Rampage (2018) – $428 Million

Based on the classic arcade game of the same name, 2018’s _Rampage_stars Dwayne Johnson as Davis Okoye, a primatologist who becomes friends with a highly intelligent albino gorilla who is growing larger by the day as the result of a dangerous genetic experiment. After similar monstrous creatures begin appearing all over the world, Okoye and his primate pal will have to stop them in order to prevent mass destruction.
While the film received mixed reviews from critics, The Rock’s star power carried it to new heights. It finished its theatrical run with a monumental $428 million worldwide gross.

2 Detective Pikachu (2019) – $433 Million

The first Pokémon film to combine live-action and animation, 2019’s _Detective Pikachu_stars Ryan Reynolds as the title character, a Pikachu with amnesia who hopes he can recover his lost memories by pursuing his only lead – a man named Tim Goodman, whose father has recently disappeared.
The film received mixed-to-positive reviews from critics and was hailed as a stark improvement on the drab monotony of video game cinema. It grossed more than $433 million worldwide, and a sequel is currently in development.

1 Warcraft (2016) – $439 Million

Based on the record-breaking video game franchise of the same name (known for housing the world’s most popular MMORPG of all time, World of Warcraft), the 2016 film _Warcraft_finds the worlds of orcs and humans colliding, creating a conflict of epic proportions.
While it received mostly negative reviews from critics, the film found some solace in its impressive box office performance. With a worldwide gross of $439 million, it surpassed Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time as the highest-grossing video game movie ever made.
NEXT: 5 Reasons Silent Hill Is The Best Video Game Movie (& 5 It Isn’t)
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2020.05.30 04:23 tonnie_taller Dulé Hill’s 10 Best Movies And TV Shows (According To IMDb)

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Dulé Hill is a celebrated film and television actor. This impeccably skilled professional has been in the industry for over thirty years now, and his time and talent have afforded him some amazing experiences. Many fans got to know Dulé in his role as Charlie Young on _The West Wing _back in the day.
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Others might remember him the most from in his role as Burton “Gus” Guster on Psych. _The fact is, Dulé Hill has starred in a number of other television shows and movies since his first two series as a regular, including several things before his time on _The West Wing. Here are Dulé Hill’s ten best film and television roles, according to ratings on IMDb.

10 Black Monday (7.4)

_Black Monday _is a current series on Showtime that is set in 1987. It all begins on Black Monday, Wall Street’s most devastating stock market crash. Through a comedic lens, some outcasts get to the bottom of how the crash happens. So far, Dulé Hill has been featured in three recent episodes in the role of Marcus Duane Wainwright, III. The show was renewed for a second season.

9 Psych: The Movie (7.5)

In 2017, Dulé Hill and James Roday got to reprise their roles as Gus and Shawn in Psych: The Movie, which aired on the USA Network a few years after the television show finished its first run. The movie is not nearly as well-rated as the show, and it solves mysteries around blackmail, theft, and a shooting. _Psych 2: Lassie Come Home_ has been delayed, but it is expected to premiere on Peacock.

8 Ballers (7.6)

Hill was seen a few years ago on an HBO show called Ballers, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s comedy about the lives of football players.
RELATED: Ballers: The 10 Best Characters, Ranked
Dulé Hill had a substantial recurring role on this show as Larry Siefert, Miami’s general manager. He has played a lot of dramatic roles, so this is a great example of Dulé in a comedy.

7 Ghostwriter (7.6)

Let’s throw it back to the 90s, when Dulé guest-starred on the mystery series _Ghostwriter. _His episode, “To Catch a Creep: Part 1,” was about a student government election for President. One of the candidates has to investigate some leaked secrets about his personal business. Dulé is credited in the episode as “Basketball Boy.”

6 Smart Guy (7.7)

Later in the 1990s, Dulé Hill guest-starred on Tahj Mowry’s _Smart Guy._The sitcom was a great way to display a lot of rising stars back then. Hill played a dance teacher named Calvin Tierney in an episode called “Gotta Dance.”
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Dulé Hill is a skilled tap dancer in real life, and he got to flex those muscles in this episode while flirting with Yvette Henderson (Essence Atkins). _Smart Guy_is now streaming on Disney+.

5 The Ditchdigger’s Daughters (1997, 7.7)

Dulé had a lead role in this 1997 dramatic film. He played Young Donald to Carl Lumbly’s Donald Thornton. The young star even got to work with _High School Musical_‘s_ _Monique Coleman before her Disney career; she played young Donna. The movie was based on the book by Yvette Thornton and told the story of Donald’s work ethic and commitment to his six daughters.

4 Psych (8.3)

Dulé Hill is certainly known for his starring role as Burton Guster (Gus) on every episode of Psych.
RELATED: Psych: 10 Characters Shawn Should Have Been With (Besides Juliet)
The USA Network dramedy centers on Burton’s best friend, Shawn Spencer, whose sharp crime-solving skills make the police think he is psychic. The show has something of a cult following to this day.

3 New York Undercover-8.5

IMDb’s description of this show reads, “Drugs, robbery, corruption, rape, murder. Cops versus criminals. The undercover war has started. Welcome to New York City.” Hmm… Hill had a small role as Georgie in _New York Undercover’s _1995 episode, “CAT.” The episode is about a drug bust and is rated higher than the show’s overall score of 7.8.

2 Suits-8.5

Suits _aired on USA from 2011 to 2019. Dulé Hill became an important member of the Suits_cast on later seasons as the character Alex Williams, Senior Partner at Litt Wheeler Williams Bennett.
RELATED: 15 Shows To Watch After Suits Ends
Hill was a strong attorney and impressed viewers in a total of 35 episodes, going from a recurring character to a series regular in the last couple of seasons.

1 The West Wing (8.8)

Dulé Hill’s breakout role is one of his fans’ favorites: Charlie Young on _The West Wing_ (1999-2006)._ _Charlie begins as President Bartlet’s Personal Aide, but he is so much more than that. Charlie is a valued and respected member of the the president’s staff, but he still experiences the heinous reality of white supremacy when he dates the president’s daughter, Zoey.
Dulé shows his versatility as an actor in this role. He is very solemn when the occasion demands it, but he also has priceless moments of subtle humor. For nostalgic viewers who want to relive Charlie’s journey, the show is still on Netflix.
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2020.05.24 23:09 finnagains Unexpected Movie Masterpieces to Watch in Quarantine - by David Sims (The Atlantic) 10 April 2020

Some were blasted by critics, some flopped at the box office, and all are ripe to attain cult-classic status.
With new cinema releases grinding to a halt in response to the spread of the coronavirus, I’ve used these weeks of self-quarantine to cast an eye backward over the cinematic canon, to rewatch old favorites, and to fill in viewing gaps. Now I’ve begun evaluating films that, for whatever reason, didn’t get a fair shake when they were released. Some were blasted by critics, and others simply made no impression at the box office; all of them are available to watch online, just waiting to become cult classics. The 30 films I’ve chosen as the most underrated are all from the past 25 years, and many belong to genres (rom-com, sci-fi, thriller) that are overlooked in serious critical circles. Some of my selections might seem obvious and others ludicrous, but all were made in the spirit of enjoyable debate and discovery.
the Box-Office Flops
Kino Lorber Archipelago (2010, directed by Joanna Hogg)
Joanna Hogg broke out in American art houses last year with her wonderful autobiographical work The Souvenir, but she’s been making terrific indie films for years. Archipelago might be her best. A quiet drama, it sees Edward (played by Tom Hiddleston, a year before Thor catapulted him to fame) gathering with his family on the remote British island of Tresco after quitting his job to travel the world. Many long-simmering tensions boil to the surface; Hiddleston (who is in most of Hogg’s movies) gives one of his best screen performances, and Hogg depicts subtle, polite infighting with humor and insight. No filmmaker has a better handle on the ridiculous foibles of the English upper-middle class.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Babe: Pig in the City (1998, directed by George Miller)
George Miller is the master of sequels. Each of his installments in the Mad Max series is innovative; his Happy Feet Two is quietly underrated. But he’s never made a follow-up as strange and beguiling as Babe: Pig in the City. Miller wrote and produced the first Babe, a charming, Oscar-winning success. In the director’s chair for part two, though, he turned the sweet fable of a pig who wanted to herd sheep into a grim fairy tale about life in the big city. The movie was a commercial disaster, but it’s a rewarding, beautifully designed work set in a fantasy city that mashes up landmarks from every modern metropolis. The plot, such as it is, follows Babe as he goes on a trip and mixes it up with more streetwise animal brethren (the director Noah Baumbach once said that the film’s closest thematic companion is Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut).
Watch it on: Hulu, HBO Beyond the Lights (2014, directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood)
A gorgeous romantic drama about the pain and pleasure of pop stardom, Gina Prince-Bythewood’s remarkable Beyond the Lights made little impression at the box office on release, despite a star-making turn from Gugu Mbatha-Raw. The actor plays a Rihanna-esque figure named Noni Jean who falls for a police officer (Nate Parker) and tries to escape the limelight. Prince-Bythewood, who also wrote and directed the incredible Love & Basketball, is one of only a few people in Hollywood still trying to film genuine love stories, and she deserves many more chances to do so on the big screen.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Cadillac Records (2008, directed by Darnell Martin)
The smartest music biopic from a decade full of them (including 2004’s Ray and 2005’s Walk the Line, to name a couple), Darnell Martin’s portrayal of the rise and fall of Chess Records was woefully underseen in 2008. The film digs into the exploitative dynamics at work in so many early rock-and-roll labels, examining the troubled relationships between Leonard Chess (Adrien Brody) and his biggest stars: Muddy Waters (Jeffrey Wright), Etta James (Beyoncé Knowles), and Howlin’ Wolf (Eamonn Walker). The film has a harder edge than its contemporaries, and the musical performances are particularly sensational.
Watch it on: Crackle
Cloud Atlas (2012, directed by Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski, and Tom Tykwer)
This is the most dizzyingly ambitious project in the Wachowski sisters’ expansive filmography. Adapting David Mitchell’s novel of the same name, Cloud Atlas encompasses six distinct stories, beginning with an 1849 naval adventure and zipping through the 1930s, the ’70s, and the present day before blasting to the clone-filled future of 2144 and ending in a postapocalyptic 2321. Members of the ensemble, including Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugh Grant, and Doona Bae, play different characters in each story line, and the film jumps backward and forward through time to reveal surprising thematic links. As with many a Wachowski project, you have to make a few logical leaps to get on board, but if you can, there’s no movie experience like it.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime
20th Century Fox Film Corp. Down With Love (2003, directed by Peyton Reed)
This knowing throwback to the “no-sex sex comedies” of the late ’50s and ’60s (like the Doris Day–starring Pillow Talk and Lover Come Back) was too clever for its own good on release. But it’s a fabulous, entertaining, and singular creation, both celebrating and subverting the innuendo-filled rom-coms of yesteryear. An impeccably styled Renée Zellweger and Ewan McGregor star as lifestyle writers who form a friendly rivalry in 1960s New York. Sarah Paulson and David Hyde Pierce round out the cast, and Peyton Reed (who had just directed Bring It On in 2000) plays off the visual language of his source material in stylish, innovative, and cheeky ways. When you watch, be sure to stick around for the fantastic musical number over the closing credits.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Dredd (2012, directed by Pete Travis)
Perhaps the best comic-book movie of the past decade was Dredd, a gritty adaptation of the Judge Dredd series that was a financial flop on release. Set in a dictatorial future in which armored policemen are empowered to dispense lethal justice for almost any crime, the film takes place entirely within a colossal tower block, following Dredd (Karl Urban) and a new trainee as they do battle with a sadistic mob boss (Lena Headey). It’s a gruesome but smart movie, at once lionizing and satirizing the ruthless efficiency of its hero. The film was written and produced by Alex Garland (Ex Machina, Annihilation), who has since become one of the most exciting sci-fi directors working today.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Killing Them Softly (2012, directed by Andrew Dominik)
Killing Them Softly is Andrew Dominik’s brutal follow-up to his painterly revisionist Western, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Also starring Brad Pitt, Killing Them Softly takes George V. Higgins’s hard-boiled ’70s crime novel Cogan’s Trade and updates it to the present day, following a mob robbery that goes wrong and the assassin (Pitt) hired to clean everything up. Dominik turns the web of competing criminal interests into a broad metaphor for the quagmire of the Iraq War. Killing Them Softly may have been too weird and slow for general audiences (it’s one of the few movies ever to earn an F on CinemaScore). But it’s bleakly funny and impressively acted by a cast that includes James Gandolfini, Ray Liotta, and Ben Mendelsohn.
Watch it on: Netflix Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005, directed by Shane Black)
The film that put Robert Downey Jr. back on the map was critically praised but ignored at the box office in 2005. An extremely metatextual crime comedy, it follows a thief (Downey Jr.) pretending to be an actor who gets mixed up in a murder and goes on the lam with his acting coach, a private investigator (Val Kilmer). The story line is as complicated as it sounds, but the thrill of Shane Black’s film lies in his hilariously punchy dialogue and his skill at making the most convoluted plotting flow with ease. The movie reintroduced Downey Jr. as a leading man after he’d spent years struggling with addiction: He was hired to play Iron Man mostly on the strength of this performance.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Premium Rush (2012, directed by David Koepp)
David Koepp’s bike-messenger thriller is far more robust than that description might suggest. Set on New York’s crowded streets, it follows Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a deliveryman who picks up a package that’s tied to a criminal conspiracy; soon enough, he’s being chased around town by a crooked cop, Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon), who’s intent on taking him down. The story is told with unrelenting silliness, and Koepp translates Wilee’s brash confidence about weaving in and out of traffic into a visual roller-coaster ride. The highlight, though, is Shannon’s performance—he turns Monday into a living Looney Toon, gnashing his teeth and bulging out his eyes in fury with abandon.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Solaris (2002, directed by Steven Soderbergh)
Steven Soderbergh’s sci-fi opus was decried on release for daring to re-adapt a novel (by Stanisław Lem) that had already been turned into a film masterpiece (Andrei Tarkovsky’s sprawling 1972 work of the same name). But Soderbergh’s movie is a very different beast from Tarkovsky’s, stripping the story down to 99 minutes and focusing on the haunting romance at the center of the book. George Clooney plays Chris Kelvin, a psychologist haunted by the suicide of his wife, Rheya (Natascha McElhone). After hearing the mysterious distress signals sent out by a distant space station, he travels there—and finds Rheya, somehow re-created by the planet that the station is orbiting. The film includes stellar supporting performances by Viola Davis and Jeremy Davies, a beautifully understated score from Cliff Martinez, and some of the most compelling world-building in Soderbergh’s career.
Watch it on: Hulu
Sunshine (2007, directed by Danny Boyle)
This stunning space-mission drama from Danny Boyle and the screenwriter Alex Garland might be the Oscar-winning director’s best film. A wildly intense thriller about a last-gasp effort to restart the dying sun, Sunshine pits an outstanding cast (Cillian Murphy, Michelle Yeoh, Chris Evans, Rose Byrne, and more) against a monolithic enemy: the star at the center of our solar system, which Boyle depicts as an immovable, godlike force. As the voyagers’ ship gets closer to the sun, everything on board goes more and more haywire, and Boyle—who can depict the onset of madness better than almost anyone working—dials up the chaos.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Talk to Me (2007, directed By Kasi Lemmons)
Kasi Lemmons, whose most recent work is 2019’s Harriet, has long been one of Hollywood’s most criminally unheralded directors, and Talk to Me never got the wide audience it deserved in 2007. It’s a biopic of the controversial Washington, D.C., radio host Petey Greene (Don Cheadle) that’s unafraid to be messy, reflecting its subject’s surprising rise to fame as someone who fearlessly speaks his mind on the social and political issues of the 1970s. The film is grounded by excellent performances from Cheadle, Taraji P. Henson, and Chiwetel Ejiofor, who plays Greene’s put-upon manager, Dewey Hughes.
Watch it on: Hulu, Sling What If (2013, directed by Michael Dowse)
Also known as The F Word (its title was changed in America for obvious reasons), this extremely charming slow-burn rom-com was unfairly overlooked on release. It follows two people (Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan) who become friends but spend the entire time wondering if they’d be better off as lovers. Many relationship hijinks ensue, but the movie works because of the performances at its center, along with energetic supporting turns from Adam Driver and Mackenzie Davis, who were both on their way to bigger, franchise fame.
Watch it on: Prime The Yards (2000, directed by James Gray)
Back in 2000, James Gray’s operatic crime thriller was dumped unceremoniously into theaters by Harvey Weinstein and ignored by audiences. Like all the director’s films, though, it’s well worth viewing, combining hard-boiled storytelling with graceful visuals. Mark Wahlberg gives one of his best performances as Leo, an ex-con who returns to the fold of his shady New York family and gets tangled up in city corruption surrounding the subway system. A shifty Joaquin Phoenix plays Leo’s ne’er-do-well friend who is embroiled in a dramatic relationship with a young woman (Charlize Theron), while James Caan is suitably menacing as Leo’s morally dubious benefactor. The Yards also showed the first signs of Gray’s considerable talent; he’d go on to make We Own the Night, Two Lovers, The Lost City of Z, and Ad Astra.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime the critical bombs
Warner Bros. Addicted to Love (1997, directed by Griffin DUnne)
All of Griffin Dunne’s films (including the delightfully bizarre Practical Magic) deserve more appreciation, but Addicted to Love is a personal favorite of mine, a largely forgotten romantic comedy that satirizes gooey Hollywood storytelling tropes. It casts Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick, two stalwarts of the rom-com genre, as a bitter pair united by a hatred of their respective exes, who are now dating each other. Ryan and Broderick spy on their former partners and, of course, eventually fall for each other, but the film never sacrifices its acidic tone, even as their relationship turns tender.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Armageddon (1998, directed by Michael Bay)
If nothing else, Armageddon is a crucial cultural artifact: a portent of American culture’s jingoism in the 2000s, when blockbuster action sequences had the tone and tenor of Budweiser commercials. Where Michael Bay’s prior film, The Rock (which is much better regarded), had tapped into the U.S. military’s dysfunction and despondency post-Vietnam, Armageddon sees the country uniting to obliterate an evil asteroid by turning to … the oil industry. (It also spends a good chunk of time mocking post-Soviet Russia.) Despite the ridiculous plotting and Bay’s frenetic editing of every set piece, Armageddon is the clearest distillation of his macho brand of propaganda, designed to have audiences cheering by the end (against their better judgment). Listen to Ben Affleck’s gleeful commentary to triple the entertainment factor.
Watch it on: Hulu, HBO Blackhat (2015, directed by Michael Mann)
Five years ago, one of the great contemporary directors still working made a globe-trotting cyber thriller starring Thor himself and was completely ignored. Booed by critics and dumped by its studio into the doldrums of January, Blackhat made only a shocking $8 million at the domestic box office. Yet it’s a terrific entry in Michael Mann’s esteemed body of work (which includes other movies, such as Heat, Miami Vice, and Manhunter, that were underrated in their day). Chris Hemsworth plays a hard-bodied hacker who’s released from prison to battle a shadowy online terrorist; like many of Mann’s later films, Blackhat is a story of the analog world’s struggle to confront its digital future, wrapped up in a very masculine action saga. If you can, try to catch the director’s cut, which cleans up some of the film’s dense plotting and airs regularly on FX.
Watch it on: FX The Box (2009, directed by Richard Kelly)
This is the third film directed by Richard Kelly, a onetime wunderkind who burst onto the scene with the 2001 cult hit Donnie Darko. The Box is also his best, though few have recognized it as such. It was a bomb on release, getting poor reviews and the rare dishonor of an F from CinemaScore. But its wild ambition is second to none, spinning Richard Matheson’s mordant short story “Button, Button” into a paranoid 1970s epic—part domestic drama, part psychological horror, part sci-fi fantasy revolving around a NASA expedition to Mars and magic portals. This movie has short, simple scares that I’ve never forgotten, and a plot convoluted enough to obsess over forever. I live in hope of a fourth film from Kelly.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Constantine (2005, directed by Francis Lawrence)
Fifteen years after its release, this remains one of the best and cleverest comic-book adaptations ever made, and probably the most underrated entry in Keanu Reeves’s cinematic career. This is a horror thriller that dives into biblical fantasy, casting a varied ensemble (Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou, Gavin Rossdale, and Shia LaBeouf) as various angels and demons doing battle in modern-day Los Angeles. Based on Alan Moore’s Vertigo comic Hellblazer, Constantine junks a lot of the established hallmarks of the character John Constantine (he’s supposed to be a witty Brit who looks like Sting), but that doesn’t matter. Reeves’s laconic style is a perfect fit for the cynical antihero, and Rachel Weisz thrives in twin roles as sisters on either side of an infernal crime that Constantine is called to investigate.
Watch it on: DC Universe The Counselor (2013, directed by Ridley Scott)
Of the seven films made by Ridley Scott in the past decade, none is more critically reviled than The Counselor, a knotty crime drama written by Cormac McCarthy and featuring an all-star ensemble that includes Brad Pitt, Javier Bardem, Michael Fassbender, Penélope Cruz, and Cameron Diaz. Summarizing its noir-ish plot, which revolves around the Juárez, Mexico, drug trade, is impossible, but the film is worth watching simply because there’s nothing like it. McCarthy’s florid dialogue and Scott’s hazy visuals are bewitching, and every actor gives an energetic performance pushed to ridiculous heights (one scene in particular, involving Diaz and a Ferrari, is hypnotically baffling). The Counselor is a dark acquired taste, but a deeply satisfying one.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Universal pictures The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006, directed by Justin Lin)
After the success of the first Fast and the Furious movie, in 2001, Vin Diesel’s car-racing franchise struggled to stand out until 2009, when its original cast returned under Justin Lin’s direction for the surprise smash Fast & Furious. But the groundwork for that revitalization had been laid three years earlier with Tokyo Drift, Lin’s debut film in the series. Though Tokyo Drift introduces Sung Kang as the fan-favorite character Han, none of the series’s other beloved characters appears. Yet Lin’s skill with crisp action and quick-paced banter—built up in his fantastic breakthrough, Better Luck Tomorrow, which also starred Kang—makes this one of the best in the franchise.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Hulk (2003, directed by Ang Lee)
Coming off the resounding success of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Ang Lee could’ve made any film he wanted. He picked an adaptation of Marvel Comics’ most tortured star, the Hulk (Eric Bana). At the time, the movie was seen as odd, mocked for its wobbly CGI, and suffered one of the largest box-office drops in history for a blockbuster after its opening weekend. Viewed now, given the cookie-cutter format of contemporary superhero movies, it’s a startling experience. Lee turns his film into a living comic book, zooming in and out of boxy frames and inventing a visual language that could’ve become an exciting norm for the medium. The story, which sees the Hulk doing Freudian battle with his demonic father (Nick Nolte) and unearthing dark family secrets, is bizarre, and thrillingly so.
Watch it on: Starz In the Cut (2003, directed by Jane Campion)
Every film Jane Campion has directed since her Oscar-winning The Piano (1993) is underrated and underseen, but In the Cut was perhaps her biggest flop on release. That was partly because it subverted Meg Ryan’s usual bubbly onscreen persona, casting her as Frannie Avery, an introverted English teacher who starts dating the detective (Mark Ruffalo) investigating a murder case in her apartment building. It’s a sweaty, grisly, and sexually charged thriller that swerves from strange comedy to gory horror from scene to scene. But that tonal whiplash is one of Campion’s smartest storytelling tools, properly rattling viewers and plunging them into Frannie’s mixed-up headspace.
Watch it on: Crackle Jennifer’s Body (2009, directed by Karyn Kusama)
This is the movie that landed Karyn Kusama in “movie jail” for almost a decade: a gleefully bloody teen-horror comedy that was undone by the high expectations for its script. The writer, Diablo Cody, had won an Oscar the previous year for her Juno screenplay, and though this follow-up had that film’s humor, its intense gore and flippant humor were too much for critics at the time. Fortunately, Jennifer’s Body is already being reevaluated as a trashy classic, a nastier update of movies like Heathers that turns the social competition of high school into a literal bloodbath. Kusama has also reemerged as a filmmaker, with the excellent indie horror The Invitation.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Universal pictures Josie and the Pussycats (2001, directed by Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan)
This knowing revival of the Archie Comics series was a failure on release, but has deservedly attracted a cult following in the years since. It’s a pitch-perfect parody of the manufactured pop pipeline in the early 2000s, watching as the chipper rock band comprising Josie (Rachael Leigh Cook), Melody (Tara Reid), and Valerie (Rosario Dawson) is run through the major-label mill. Parker Posey and Alan Cumming play perfect corporate villains, and almost every scene is suffused with ostentatious subliminal advertising, with au courant brand names crowding the frame. It’s a bitingly clever work, with a great power-pop soundtrack that includes contributions from the late Adam Schlesinger.
Watch it on: Hulu with Cinemax, Xfinity Jupiter Ascending (2015, directed by Lana Wachowski and Lilly Wachowski)
In the 2010s, blockbuster studio filmmaking made a hard pivot to existing intellectual property for its biggest movies: Star Wars, comic books, anything audiences might have nostalgia for. The Wachowskis, as they often do, went their own route. After giving cinema one of its greatest franchises in 1999 with The Matrix, the duo took a different direction in 2015 with a loopily operatic sci-fi epic rooted in nothing but their own imaginations. They were pilloried by critics. Jupiter Ascending is a wonderfully absurd space fairy tale starring Channing Tatum as a dog-man, Eddie Redmayne as an immortal arch-capitalist villain, and Mila Kunis as a secret princess who unwittingly owns the property deeds to our solar system. If you can get on this movie’s wavelength, you’ll find much to enjoy in its many flights of fancy.
Watch it on: Netflix
Non-Stop (2014, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra)
Since the surprise success of Taken in 2008, Liam Neeson has played a broken-down man forced to take the law into his own hands in countless mid-budget action dramas: Unknown, Cold Pursuit, The Commuter, Run All Night, and many more. Non-Stop is easily the best of them, partly thanks to Jaume Collet-Serra, a Spanish director who is one of the finest purveyors of modern pulp cinema (along with many Neeson movies, his other credits include The Shallows and Orphan). Set entirely on an airplane flying from New York to London, Non-Stop follows an alcoholic air marshal who gets caught in a deadly battle when a terrorist starts texting him. Perfectly befitting its setting, this thriller has the plot of the best kind of airplane paperback, with just the right number of twists and turns.
Watch it on: Sling Ocean’s Twelve (2004, directed by Steven Soderbergh)
Despite coasting to box-office success, Ocean’s Twelve was disliked on release for swerving in the opposite direction from the über-cool Ocean’s Eleven. Critics dismissed it as overindulgent, pretentious, and ultimately pointless: The heist plot is nigh-impossible to understand, most of the crucial exposition is entirely absent, and there’s a subplot in which the character played by Julia Roberts pretends to be the real Julia Roberts. In hindsight, though, the film is a perfect deconstruction of sequel logic, showing the difficulty of finding new directions for a beloved cast of characters. Where Ocean’s Eleven was all smooth style, Ocean’s Twelve is a knowing subversion that lays bare the ridiculous fallacy of movie-star charm. It also happens to be very, very funny.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime Pain & Gain (2013, directed by Michael Bay)
Practically every Bay film has been dismissed by reviewers on release, and often for good reason. His high-octane storytelling style makes the simplest scenes of dialogue utterly hyperactive, and most of his recent efforts are about talking robot toys. But Pain & Gain was a sly departure for this director, a low-budget (by his standards) crime comedy that feels like a Coen Brothers movie on growth hormones. Based on a true story, Pain & Gain is about three bodybuilders (played by Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, and Anthony Mackie) who embark on a harebrained kidnapping scheme for easy money; naturally, things quickly go awry. Bay doesn’t abandon his trademark energy, but instead deploys it as satire—these characters might think they’re in a flashy action movie, but their circumstances are far more mundane and depressing.
Watch it on: Vudu, Prime
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2020.05.17 19:44 StanVanGundy2020 Ranking the cutest Head Coaches in the NBA worst to first

30: New Orleans Pelicans (Alvin Gentry)
29: Chicago Bulls (Jim Boylen)
28: San Antonio Spurs (Greg Popovic)
27: New York Knicks (Interim - Mike Miller)
26: Los Angeles Clippers (Doc Rivers)
25: Orlando Magic (Steve Clifford)
24: Milwaukee Bucks (Mike Budenholzer)
23: Denver Nuggets (Mike Malone)
22: Detroit Pistons (Dwayne Casey)
21: Memphis Grizzlies (Taylor Jenkins)
20: Indiana Pacers (Nate McMillan)
19: Cleveland Cavaliers (Interim - J.B. Bickerstaff)
18: Houston Rockets (Mike D’Antoni)
17: Phoenix Suns (Monty Williams)
16: Los Angeles Lakers (Frank Vogel)
15: Dallas Mavericks (Rick Carlisle)
14: Washington Wizards (Scott Brooks)
13: Sacramento Kings (Luke Walton)
12: Brooklyn Nets (Interim - Jacques Vaughn)
11: Atlanta Hawks (Lloyd Pierce)
10: Utah Jazz (Quin Snyder)
9: Charlotte Hornets (James Borrego)
8: Toronto Raptors (Nick Nurse)
7: Portland Trailblazers (Terry Stotts)
6: Miami Heat (Erik Spoelstra)
5: Oklahoma City Thunder (Billy Donovan)
4: Boston Celtics (Brad Stevens)
3: Philadelphia 76ers (Brett Brown)
2: Minnesota Timberwolves (Ryan Saunders)
1: Golden State Warriors (Steve Kerr)
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2020.05.15 18:01 UnicornDick31 The Roman Empire: Taking the Throne

Smackdown - September 25th, 2020
Roman Reigns opens the following edition of Smackdown, and he walks down with a pair of black jeans, black shirt and black leather jacket. He takes the microphone and the first thing he does is calls out Kofi Kingston because he wants his Universal Championship match, Kofi comes out looking somber and he says that Roman will get his Universal Championship match, but it will happen at the next PPV, Judgement Day, on October 25th. Reigns sarcastically asks what happened to the fun Kofi Kingston we all know and love? Kofi isn’t in the mood for games so he just leaves and Roman looks on pleased with himself, and motivated to take the Universal Championship at Judgement Day.

Smackdown - October 2nd, 2020
Roman Reigns comes out again this week, looking confident, he even says he wants to let Kofi have the chance to get some pointers, so he will have a match right here tonight, against anyone in the back who wants a match. He urges Kofi to watch very closely, otherwise he will have no chance at Judgement Day, which just wouldn’t be fun at all. Since he hopes Kofi has more fight in him than Xavier did, Roman then allows whoever wants to accept his challenge to do so, and the competitor who does is none other than… The Charismatic Enigma, Jeff Hardy.

Roman Reigns vs Jeff Hardy

One of the men who got a win over Reigns in his fall from the top, Jeff Hardy wants to shut Reigns up with another win here, but Hardy has gotten himself into deep water, and he is decimated by Reigns who just nails a sickening Spear to score the three count.

Roman Reigns def. Jeff Hardy (4:21)

Smackdown - October 9th, 2020
Roman Reigns is interviewed backstage by Michael Cole, who simply asks Reigns “Why the change in attitude, and why the obsession with New Day?” Reigns just chuckles at the question, he begins by answering the first part, telling Cole that if he was actually paying attention to the product, he would’ve noticed that he explained “WHY?” He changed his attitude. The WWE Universe didn’t respect him, so he was done trying to earn their respect, he was done trying to please them, he was going to do what benefits himself and only himself. And what Cole calls an obsession with “The New Day” isn’t that, he is focused on the WWE Championship that Kofi Kingston holds, for now. He is driven to take that title off of Kofi, and he wants revenge against Kofi for triggering the downfall he suffered prior to Summerslam, Xavier Woods was just a pawn in the game. And Big E, well he hasn’t had any proper interaction with Big E to have an opinion on him, other than that New Day are 100% holding him back from his true potential. Michael Cole is left speechless, this man sitting in front of him was once the proud and respectful face of WWE, and now he is a disrespectful and violent monster. After a moment of silence as Roman’s words hang in the air, Cole moves on with his next question, which is what Reigns thinks will happen come Judgement Day, and Reigns puts it very simple for Cole, Kofi will be defeated, because wrestling runs through Reigns’ blood, he is born for this business and he was breed to be a Champion, Michael Cole just ends the interview there and we go back to ringside for the show to continue.

Smackdown - October 16th, 2020
For the first time since No Mercy, all 3 members of New Day are on Smackdown, but there is definitely some tension there as Xavier is a little disappointed Kofi threw in the towel, but understands his decision, but then Kofi feels bad for what he did seeing how upset Xavier is, and Big E is still not happy about Kofi shoving him. However they promise Reigns they are ready for him, and at Judgement Day, Kofi will come out on top, Reigns can be violent, Reigns can be aggressive, but none of that will stop the Power of Positivity. The New Day look relatively on the same page despite the tension, and they all leave together, ready for Kofi’s match at Judgement Day.

It is announced later in the show that next week, Roman Reigns and Kofi Kingston will set foot in the same ring to sign the contract for their match just days before they are set to clash.

Smackdown - October 23rd, 2020
Reigns is interviewed early in the show backstage, and he reiterates his confidence, and says that it has in fact grown since last week, asking if everyone has seen how bad New Day looked, Kofi isn’t in the right mind for the match, and he’s sure that it will only get worse by the time he stands tall at the end of the match.

Kofi Kingston makes his way down to the ring with Big E and Xavier Woods by his side for the contract signing, Big E just leans in the corner with his arms folded while Kofi does his thing, Woods stands right by Kofi’s side, having forgiven Kofi and ready to have his back come Judgement Day. Roman Reigns then makes his way down, the crowds boos raining down mercilessly as Roman strolls down and enters the ring, sitting across from Kofi and a smirk painted across his face. As the proceedings of the contract signing are going down, both men sign the contract and then face off with Kofi raising the Universal Championship, Reigns nails an uppercut and then Xavier attempts to get involved, but Reigns grabs him and smashes his head against the table. Then Big E approaches Reigns and Roman goes to nail him with an uppercut but both pause staring each other down, and then for the first time since this attitude change, Reigns backs down and leaves the situation. Leaving Kofi and Xavier confused as to why this ruthless version of Roman Reigns wouldn’t fight E.

Judgement Day - October 25th, 2020
Roman Reigns’ music hits and he makes his way down to the ring in all his new found glory, ‘The Emperor’ Roman Reigns, and he is ready to win the Universal Championship here tonight. Once Roman is pacing around the ring and his music has stopped, The New Day’s music blasts through the speakers and they all make their way down to the ring, Kofi at the forefront with his Universal Championship over his shoulder. As the two stand face to face, the referee checks both competitors before ringing the bell…

Roman Reigns takes control from the beginning for the match using his power advantage to halt any momentum Kofi tries to build, Xavier is on the outside trying to will Kofi to victory, but Big E is there just leaning against the barricade, watching with an unknown look on his face. The match goes for about 15 minutes of just Kofi trying to get a comeback, doing more and more each time he tries, but Roman is always there to halt the momentum eventually. But finally, now Kofi seems to be making a worthwhile comeback, Roman goes for the Spear and Kofi nails a Trouble in Paradise, much like their first match all those months ago, he makes the cover, and Roman manages to kick out.

Kofi takes Reigns down with the SOS, and on the outside Woods is starting to get worried, Big E is still nonchalantly leaning against the barricade. Kofi sets up the Boom Drop, he runs against the ropes, and as he does, Kofi goes down, the shock is insurmountable as we see that Big E is now standing right behind where Kofi was. Kingston turns to E and questions what he was doing before turning back to Roman and being caught with a Spear, but Reigns lifts Kofi up and digs into his bag of tricks to return his old finisher, the Moment of Silence and covers Kof, 1… 2… 3...

Roman Reigns def. Kofi Kingston (17:34)

After the match Xavier Woods is trying to question Big E who is just standing facing forward, with no hint of emotion in his eyes. Xavier begins grabbing E by the shoulder and shaking him, trying to snap him out of this trance, or get his attention. But after shaking Big E multiple times, harder and harder each time, Big E completely snaps, shoving Xavier backwards, sending him crashing into the ring post. Big E throws Xavier into the barricade and as Xavier lays on the ground clutching his back, Roman stops the celebration he was having in the ring and looks down at the commotion with a smirk across his face. He leans through the ropes and extends his hand to E, who shakes Roman’s hand before walking to the back, leaving Roman to celebrate his win with the boos of the crowd raining down relentlessly, to Roman and Big E.

Smackdown - October 30th, 2020
On this edition of Smackdown, we are looking at the fallout of Judgement Day, the fall of The New Day and Roman Reigns becoming the Universal Champion once again. During the show Sarah Schreiber is backstage and she introduces her guests this evening, Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods, the two walk into the frame, tears in their eyes, and Sarah asks what are their thoughts on Big E’s actions this past Sunday. Kofi and Xavier both are silent for a few moments, and Kofi simply says “Why?” with a crack in his voice, the two walk off as quickly as they arrived.

Smackdown - November 6th, 2020
For the first time since becoming Universal Champion, Roman Reigns is here on Smackdown, he walks down to the ring, and he says that he did exactly as he said he would. Months ago Kofi took everything from him, and now, he has taken everything from Kofi. He took his Universal Championship, and his family. He saw the true intentions of Kofi Kingston, he saw that Kofi was using New Day to reach the top, he was the one getting singles Championship matches, so he took advantage of that FACT to dismantle New Day, and now New Day are no more, New Day will never be the same again. Also with New Day not even here for the time being, he has his sights set on Survivor Series…

NXT - November 11th, 2020
On this episode of NXT, the now NXT Champion (winning it around Summerslam), Keith Lee comes out to the ring and says that with Survivor Series on the horizon, last year at the same event, NXT made a statement, but last year he came up short in the end of the Elimination match against Roman Reigns. So this year, he wants to beat Roman, but not in the Elimination match, in a one on one match. He calls Roman out to accept his challenge.

Smackdown - November 13th, 2020
Roman Reigns is asked about Keith Lee’s challenge backstage, Roman just sort of chuckles to himself saying that he pinned Keith Lee to the mat last year, there really is just no reason to accept his challenge for a singles match, but if Keith really does want a singles match, they can probably come up with some other option. Reigns challenges Keith to a Traditional 5 on 5 Survivor Series Elimination Tag Match, and if Keith’s team wins, Reigns will travel on down to NXT for a match with Keith Lee at their next Takeover. Reigns then leaves with his challenge hanging in the air to go and have a scheduled match for tonight’s show.

Roman Reigns vs John Morrison

Reigns and Morrison is a fun contest, but as expected Reigns is just unbeatable these days, managing to defeat Morrison with a Moment of Silence.

Roman Reigns def. John Morrison (10:23)

After the match, Keith Lee’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring, he has a microphone in hand and says that he heard Roman’s challenge. He also bets that Reigns didn’t think Keith was here tonight to answer face to face, but he is.He questions what has happened to Roman, he used to be the respectful guy that people strive to be like, the guy people liked, the same guy who Keith earned the respect of last year. He says that someone needs to show Reigns the light, and it seems no one on Smackdown can, so NXT will have to come along and show him where his priorities should lie. He says that at Survivor Series, Roman Reigns will Bask in his Glory, and in fact, he already has a couple partners that he brought with him.

At that moment, Matt Riddle and Isaiah ‘Swerve’ Scott hop onto the apron and into the ring where Reigns tries to fight back, but after a while the numbers game does get the better of him.

NXT - November 18th, 2020
Keith Lee is defending the NXT Championship against Pete Dunne tonight, and the match is going well, Lee is moments from retaining the title, but that is when Reigns’ music hits, Lee is distracted by the music and after a while it stops and Lee turns his attention back to Dunne. The distraction however has given Dunne time to recover and he takes the fight to Lee, as the two continue to fight back and forth, Dunne goes for a Moonsault and jams his knee, falling to the ground and the referee goes to check on him. Dunne keeping the referee's attention long enough for Reigns to slide in the ring and Spear Lee before sliding back out. Dunne pops back up and grabs Lee, hitting a Bitter End and covering him for the 3 count.

Pete Dunne has won the NXT Championship, as the referee gives Dunne the title, and Tyler Bate and Trent Seven of British Strong Style come down to celebrate with their stablemate, Reigns enters the ring, he approaches Dunne and the two shake hands, it becomes apparent that this was all a ruse put together by Reigns and Dunne, but WHY?

Smackdown - November 20th, 2020
Reigns comes down to the ring again, and he says that Keith Lee crossed the wrong guy, and because of that he had to take action, it just so happened that British Strong Style have their own issues with Lee, and they would make for some perfect team mates for Survivor Series. So he went to Pete Dunne and asked if they’d want to team with him, but he knew he needed to show them he wasn’t looking to just use them, he wanted this ordeal to benefit them all, so he did what he did, and now he has his team. But at that moment…

Keith Lee comes out once again, he steps up to Roman and asks if he’s alright, because his math must be off, because in case he didn’t realise, Roman Reigns + Pete Dunne + Tyler Bate + Trent Seven only equals 4, and the match requires 5 a side. Reigns just smirks, and Lee continues about how regardless of that, he came here because on Wednesday, Roman took something from him, and he isn’t about to let that slide…

As Lee is about to fight Roman, all of a sudden, Big E attacks from out of nowhere, and he beats Lee down, finally hitting a Big Ending. He shakes Roman’s hand and that completes Roman’s team, as Roman walks away from Lee laying in the ring.

Later on in the show, Keith Lee is asked backstage whether he has found 2 more members for his team on Sunday, to which he says he’s found the perfect additions, but we will have to wait till Sunday for that.

Survivor Series - November 22nd, 2020
We reach the Main Event of Survivor Series, and out first is British Strong Style, once they are in the ring, Big E’s old music plays as he makes his way out with a black attire to the boos of the crowd, he enters the ring and waits, pacing the ring. Roman Reigns is the last man out for his team, he walks down and enters the ring, and it is then time for the opposing team to come out. Matt Riddle and Isaiah ‘Swerve’ Scott make their ways down before Keith Lee, they all stand at the base of the ramp and Lee takes the microphone. He tells Roman that he wanted a match with Reigns built on respect, one where he could show how much he developed the past year, one where Roman could Bask in his Glory, but Reigns had to make it more personal, this match isn’t about NXT vs Smackdown, this match is more than brand supremacy. Since Reigns made it personal, he thought, why not bring two guys onto his team who could make it more personal… Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods. The two remaining members of New Day walk down with the sadness having dissipated on the surface, now it’s pure anger as they look at Big E and Roman Reigns. The 10 men all brawl, Roman goes to Spear Lee as he gets in the ring but is caught with a Trouble in Paradise right away.

Team Reigns (Roman Reigns, Big E, Pete Dunne, Tyler Bate & Trent Seven) vs Team Lee (Keith Lee, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, Matt Riddle & Isaiah ‘Swerve’ Scott)

The starting men are Swerve and Seven, and the two go back and forth for about 8 minutes when Swerve manages to eliminate Seven with a Swerve Stomp to get the 3 count. Bate gets in and right away hits a Rolling Kick, and Swerve falls backwards into Riddle who tags himself in and he lays into Bate with the kicks, eventually he tags Lee in and nails a Bicycle Knee Strike which sends Bate onto the shoulders of Lee, who tags Swerve in and hits the Big Bang Catastrophe. Swerve then goes right for the Swerve Stomp but as he nails it, Dunne is in the ring and hits a Bitter End. Bate crawls into the cover and scores the 3 to eliminate Swerve.

Bate gets eliminated next after about 5 minutes when Riddle locks in the Bromission and Bate has no choice but to tap out. At this point Big E gets in the ring and he begins to dominate Riddle, he goes for the Big Ending but Riddle stumbles off and into his corner making a blind tag. And when we realise who it is, the crowd gasps, Xavier Woods steps through the ropes and into the ring. Xavier tries to hold his own, but Big E is just too strong and too aggressive. But Woods finds a way to take E down after a while, and right when it seems like he is getting the upper hand, E goes low while Reigns distracts the referee, E covers and the ref turns to count the 3, and Woods is eliminated…

Kofi sees this, all his anger takes over and he gets in and goes right after Big E, they tumble to the outside, they brawl and brawl as the referee counts. They brawl all over without even paying any attention to the referee who makes it to 10 and both men are eliminated, the match is 2-2. Dunne and Riddle enter the ring and the two former Tag Team Champions go at it, letting everything out. After about 10 minutes of the 4 men going back and forth with tags between them, Riddle hits the Bro To Sleep and covers Dunne for the 3 count. Surely putting him up as the next contender for Dunne’s NXT Championship. But before he can even turn his attention to Roman, he’s already in the ring and hits Riddle with the Moment of Silence to score the 3 count.

And now we are down to the 1 on 1, Reigns vs Lee, exactly what Keith Lee wanted, the two go for about 9 more minutes just back and forth between the two of them, and Reigns eventually gets Lee where he wants him, he sets up the Spear, and he nails it. Reigns covers Keith, 1… 2… But Lee kicks out, Reigns is shocked, but he still has one more trick in the book, he lifts Lee up, and in a showing of insane strength, Reigns somehow gets Lee up, but from Lee we see an in a showing of athleticism and innovativeness as he flips out before Roman can slam him down, in a fluid motion he is able to land on his feet and grab Reigns around the waist to hit a Release German Suplex. Reigns flips over and he stumbles back up to his feet, but Lee is on a roll and hits a brutal Pounce sending Reigns into the corner. Lee now has Reigns in the corner where he hits a sickening Mongolian Chop and then drags him out to hit a Spirit Bomb, 1!!!… 2!!!… 3!!!… OH MY GOD, KEITH LEE HAS JUST PINNED THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!!!

Team Keith Lee def. Team Roman Reigns (48:21) - Keith Lee as sole survivor

Lee celebrates his victory and as Roman gets up, Lee offers Reigns a fist bump with a grin on his face, but Reigns doesn’t return it this time around.

Smackdown - November 27th, 2020
Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods come out during the show and say it’s been long enough, they deserve an explanation from Big E, and they want it right now. Big E doesn’t come down to the ring, instead opting to speak from the tron. He says that Kofi only cares about himself, and everything Roman said was spot on, Kofi got all the singles opportunities, and he was happy for Kofi at Wrestlemania 35. But then we got to June 2020, and look who got another opportunity, Kofi Kingston. And Kofi didn’t even bat an eye, didn’t even consider the option of letting someone else, someone who considered each other brothers have that opportunity. But then, where it really became apparent that Kofi didn’t care about the New Day’s best interests, was at No Mercy, Xavier explicitly requested us to NOT go out there so he could do it alone. But Kofi wouldn’t even let him do that, so now Xavier is the guy who not only couldn’t beat Roman Reigns, but needed to have the towel thrown in. The New Day achieved its goal, and he is now at a higher position purely for taking the initiative and ending the charade before it went too far. Kofi and Xavier are left speechless.

Smackdown - December 4th, 2020
The next Smackdown, Roman comes down to the ring, and he says that now he’s got Survivor Series out the way, he can focus on something new, but at that moment he is interrupted by Kofi Kingston, who says that he doesn’t get to tear apart his family and then walk away to focus on something else. No no no, there is only one way to handle this, at Armageddon, Kofi Kingston and Roman Reigns in Hell in a Cell… But Reigns asks why on Earth he’d give Kofi a Championship match. Kingston says that Reigns didn’t beat him fairly, and he can live with that, but how about Roman show he’s a man now and fight him for the Universal Championship inside Hell in a Cell with no outside interference. Xavier Woods comes out and says that Kofi isn’t the only one who wants to get his hands on Roman, so it should be Roman vs Xavier in HIAC, that way Kofi can’t get involved. Reigns stops the two and says he will take them both on inside HIAC if they really want, but it won’t be for the title, only the most deserving get title matches.

Later in the night, it is made official, but not quite how we thought… commentary reveal that Kofi and Xavier met with a member of management backstage to make the match, but they requested Big E be with Roman as well. So that is what will be happening, Kofi and Xavier get their chance to get their hands on not only Roman Reigns but Big E too. Because of Roman not defending the title at Armageddon again, he will be having a title match on next week's show, with tonight seeing a Fatal Four Way between Sheamus, Jeff Hardy, Shinsuke Nakamura and Daniel Bryan, with Nakamura getting the win.

Smackdown - December 11th, 2020 - Roman Reigns vs Shinsuke Nakamura
The match between these two World Class athletes is incredible, lasting about 20 minutes with Nakamura giving Reigns one hell of a battle, but ultimately he comes up short when Reigns hits a Moment of Silence to put Nakamura down for the 3 count.

Roman Reigns def. Shinsuke Nakamura (19:52)

Armageddon - December 13th, 2020 - Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods vs Roman Reigns & Big E
These 4 men go to absolute war, tearing each other apart for the better part of an hour, Reigns and E show dominance, but with the weapons at their disposal, Kofi and Xavier are able to hold their own, towards the end of the match, Big E has Xavier’s trombone in hand and he goes to whack it across the face of Woods, but a slight moment of hesitation, seemingly remorse, Reigns nails a Spear to Woods anyway and covers him, staring directly at E with a confused look on his face, 1… 2… 3…

Roman Reigns & Big E def. Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods (51:23)

After the match, Roman is trying to get answers from Big E as to why he hesitated, but eventually gives up when E picks up the Universal Championship and hands it to Roman, however he doesn’t release once Roman has grabbed it, and the two stare each other down for a moment before E finally releases his grip and Roman walks off.

All 4 men take the next couple weeks off until the new year after that brutal match…

Smackdown - January 1st, 2021
Roman Reigns comes down to the ring, and he gloats about his victory and how ever since Summerslam he has been all about pure domination… that is when Keith Lee once again shows up, and he wants to remind Roman that they have a date set for NXT Takeover: San Francisco, just in case he forgot. Reigns says he didn’t forget, he just was hoping for Keith’s sake that he wouldn’t pursue that deal, but it seems Keith has turned out to be just as stupid as the rest. Big E makes his way out and gets in Keith Lee’s face, saying that he thinks he can just waltz into Smackdown and start making claims? That’s not how it works around here. A match is made between the two, and when Smackdown returns from break we are set.

Big E vs Keith Lee

Lee and E have a great big man match with Roman sitting at commentary to watch the match up close and personal. As the match goes on, E looks like something is missing, and because of that, Keith gets the win after a Spirit Bomb…

Keith Lee def. Big E (7:12)

Before Keith can even make it back to his feet, Roman slides in the ring and nails a Spear, and as he begins to beat down Lee, Xavier and Kofi are out again and come to his aid. They send Roman into retreat, and as Roman’s title lays in the ring, Kofi and Xavier both reach down and grab it at the same time, both just share a look, knowing what this may come to, but they won’t let it break them. They then turn to Big E sitting in the corner and he just rolls out of the ring and leaves.

Smackdown - January 8th, 2020
Reigns comes out once again and he says that people have started to question his dominance, for some reason. So just to show Keith Lee exactly what he’s getting himself into, he is holding an Open Challenge so he can show just how dominant he is. So anyone from the NXT roster, he knows they’re lurking somewhere, with their pathetic dreams to reach his level and to reach Smackdown, come on down for a once in a lifetime Universal Championship match. None other than Finn Balor answers, the first ever Universal Champion…

Roman Reigns vs Finn Balor - Universal Championship Match

Reigns and Balor go at it, and Balor’s attitude change from 2019 shows that he can take Reigns to the limit, coming inches from victory, but Reigns eventually hits the Moment of Silence to put Balor away for the count.

Roman Reigns def. Finn Balor (13:11)

Smackdown - January 15th, 2020
Reigns once again wants to hold an open challenge to absolutely anyone, regardless of roster this time, and he is greeted by Big E, and then Kofi and then Xavier. The three all want an opportunity, and an argument ensues, but Roman is fed up so he rolls out and walks back up the ramp saying none of them deserve a shot at his title, not now, not ever.

Later in the night, an announcement is released which says that since Reigns broke his promise when putting out an Open Challenge, at Royal Rumble he will defend his Universal Championship against 3 very deserving roster members, despite what Roman thinks… Those being Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods and Big E.

NXT - January 20th, 2020
Reigns has been invited to NXT this week to have a face to face with Keith Lee ahead of their match at Takeover. There is a ton of tension between the two men, and security is all over the ring, ready for if a brawl takes place, the two go back and forth, eventually Roman throws an uppercut which catches Lee on the chin before backing away and letting security hold Lee back with a grin on his face. He walks away before Lee is even done, getting in the head of the big man.

Smackdown - January 22nd, 2020
Kofi Kingston confronts Roman in the ring, and the two go back and forth, Roman eventually goes overboard, saying that he doesn’t even care about Big E, he doesn’t see anything special in Big E, does Kofi wanna know why he aligned with Big E? It’s because he saw the chance to manipulate a weak individual to get the ultimate revenge on Kofi, and it worked, he broke up the most cohesive group in WWE. And even better, now all of them will fade away to obscurity where they belong. Big E then comes out and he looks at Roman with rage in his eyes, and Kofi tries to talk some sense into E, making it clear to E this was all a ruse, Roman never cared about him. Reigns just leans against the ropes with a smirk on his face, then all of a sudden from behind he is dragged out of the ring and hit with a Lost in the Woods. The segment ends with a small brawl with E pulling Kofi and Xavier off Roman, and then helping Roman back to his feet, and nailing a Big Ending to stand tall heading into the Four Way.

NXT Takeover: San Francisco - January 23rd, 2020 - Roman Reigns vs Keith Lee
This entire match was made to give Keith Lee that singles victory over Reigns, giving him a big win as we head into the Royal Rumble where he would have an impressive showing in the Rumble match itself, making it to Final 4 but being eliminated by eventual winner.

Keith Lee def. Roman Reigns (23:21)

Royal Rumble - January 24th, 2020 - Roman Reigns vs Kofi Kingston vs Big E vs Xavier Woods
The stories heading into this match are the fact Reigns seems to be slipping again, getting a little complacent during matches which has caused him to lose to Keith Lee on two occasions in the past months. Throughout the match, Reigns dominates as usual, E seems less eager to go after his former New Day brothers though after Reigns revealed what his true thoughts on E were since the beginning. Towards the end of the match, Reigns has Xavier in the ring, after having already taken care of Kofi on the outside. He has Xavier’s head laying on the lower part of the steel steps, with the smaller part in his hands above his head, as he is about to slam it down, Big E Spears Reigns out of nowhere.

Big E grabs Xavier and helps him up, and the two stare at each other, Xavier unsure if he can truly still trust E, but Big E just grabs Reigns in position for the Big Ending, and Woods gets up to the second rope reluctantly hitting the Midnight Hour just like old times. But now comes the issue of who gets to pin Reigns, a decision that proves to be easier than expected, when reluctantly, Big E offers for Xavier to make the pin, as a way of repentance, so Xavier does just that, 1… 2… 2.5… But Reigns kicks out to the shock of both men, as Big E and Xavier stand side by side, Xavier still keeping his distance, looking down at Reigns, Kofi stumbles into the ring, standing between Xavier and E, looking over at E wearily, and Reigns crawls over to the corner, the former New Day members hit a variation of the Unicorn Stampede as the crowd roar in delight.

Once that is done, the three men look at each other with smiles on their faces before they fade away realising, remembering what Big E did, but the smile on Kofi and Xavier’s faces eventually return as they offer up a group hug which E after a moment accepts and the three embrace, as the crowd go crazy. E promises to them that as much as he wants to be Universal Champion, he will do everything in his power to get the title to one of them, as his way of apologising. But right as they break away from the hug, Reigns flies through them with a Spear, hitting Xavier and Kofi, which they proceed to roll out of the ring. E grabs Reigns and nails a Big Ending, but he can’t find Kofi or Xavier around to let them make the cover, after a quick moment, he realises he can’t waste time and covers Reigns, 1… 2… 3…

Big E def. Roman Reigns, Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods (22:04)

After the match, Big E can’t even bring himself to hold the Universal Championship, Kofi and Xavier roll back in the ring and the three men stand in the middle of the ring, standing around the title, Big E telling one of them it’s theirs. But Kofi looks at Xavier and then back to Big E, bending down to pick up the title and holding out for Big E to take, “No, you earned this…” Big E reluctantly takes it and the three celebrate together as Roman leaves in anger.

After all that has happened to New Day, by the manipulation of Roman Reigns, they came out stronger, Xavier proved he can hold up against the best of the best, Big E developed into more than just a fun and games guy, now having a real edge, and Kofi has taken Big E’s complaints into consideration, with the moment where he tells Big E that he earned it. New Day is not only back, but they are stronger than ever. A true family, brothers fight, but they always make up.

Before getting to Roman’s next steps, the reason the end of this chapter seems more like a New Day story is because that is ultimately what a heel does, they are there to put the face over eventually. At the base of wrestling it’s about good vs bad, and happy endings are what we want to see, so Roman is used to give something new for New Day and bring some interest and a New direction while also improving his character with the dominance and the showing of intelligence to come up with this plan.

Now, Roman’s next steps would be Wrestlemania, and what bigger match could Roman have at Wrestlemania than the dream match against his own blood, as he confronts The Rock and forces Dwayne’s hand into returning one last time for a match at Wrestlemania. And in their eventual match, Roman would go over and Rock would leave forever from an in ring standpoint, no longer that loose thread of whether he is retired or not, it would be 100% confirmed now. Post-Mania Reigns goes to Raw and has a fresh batch of opponents to take on
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2020.04.27 04:22 Zworrisdeh NFL Quarterbacks ranked by attractiveness

At the Super Bowl party this year, a friend of mine told me that one of the things NFL scouts look for in QBs is the “Quarterback face,” meaning a certain level of handsomeness or masculinity in facial features that unconsciously signifies leadership and draws respect from peers. This sounds like complete bullshit to me but I’m too lazy to google it, so let’s pretend that’s true and rank all starting QBs (plus some others who may or may not start this year) by handsomeness not only of the face but the total body package.
S Tier (Greek gods chiseled out of marble)
Jimmy Garoppolo – I mean c’mon. He can overthrow his way out of however many Super Bowl rings as he wants and always fall back on a career as a GQ model. I would follow this man into a battle against Xerxes’ army. Every Sunday morning this season my wife asked me what time “Jimmy Garofalo” was gonna be on TV.
Tom Brady – The face of a franchise for so many years and with good reason. Dude has the chin you would expect to see on a 6-time world champ, and the body of a man who only eats flax seeds and Gisele. I’m not sure if that knockoff Falcons uni will look as good as the dark blue on him but we’ll re-evaluate when the season starts (if it starts). The only knock against Brady is that he spent almost his entire youth with trash haircuts you would never expect to see on someone who makes most American families’ life savings per hour.
Russell Wilson – An aesthetically pleasing man for sure. Looks good with or without a beard, nice hair, and ekes out a sense of “coolness.” Even looks good when he’s putting post-contract-celebration-sex videos on Twitter with his also-hot R&B superstar wife.
Aaron Rodgers – Disappointed with how little of the porno stache we saw, I really could have envisioned it in an alternate timeline. I mean, can’t you see Rodgers continuously going “oh fuck yeah” while piledriving an 18-year-old instead of being an insurance salesman who moonlights in NFCCG implosions?
A Tier (Can get dolled up for a SI cover)
Baker Mayfield – Looks like a hot bum. Has that “bad boy” look that works better in pressers and commercials than it does in the huddle. Has the look and public persona of an Instagram model and the actual persona of an Instagram model.
Nick Foles – He’s a good-looking guy, but we all knew what his spot was gonna be about going into this. We all know why he commands the huddle. We all know why he has to order custom athletic cups. We all know why every time he turns around too fast in the shower room everyone in a 6-foot radius gets knocked down. We all know why Malcolm Butler was so intimidated he asked Belichick to bench him and tell the press it was Bill’s idea. We all know why he-
Kyler Murray – Kyler is a good looking little dude, but his size doesn’t help his case. Not sure how confident I feel in the huddle with a guy who has a great haircut but probably still has to use a booster seat at the barber shop. I’m like 5’5” myself so putting him higher than he probably deserves makes me feel better.
Dak Prescott – Has a very disarming smile. Disarming in that it apparently takes the hands and arms away from his star receivers. The tats make him look cool, and he has that broad-shouldered build that you like to see in a QB as he leads his team to score 3 times in the 4th quarter while in a 4-score deficit.
Jared Goff – A classic prettyboy if not a little Dana Carvey-esque at some angles. The red California sun has powered him up but much like Superman actor Henry Cavill, his teeth are kinda busted. Still, his girlfriend looks more like Yennefer of Vengerberg than Lois Lane. Bears the dubious distinction of being the only player whose coach is better looking than him.
Ryan Tannehill – Tanny has a good QB face. Slightly grizzled but not so much that he looks like a forklift operator or carnie. Good, strong nose and jawline that I think put him in the “Chad” category. I would definitely get redpilled in the huddle with him leading me.
Taysom Hill – Looks like someone who would beat the shit out of you in a Denny’s parking lot and then jump back into his truck adorned in blue lives matter stickers. Exudes a deep fried midwestern confidence carried by his absolute jackedness. The man is a true swiss army knife on the field, and probably also uses one to gut deer in his garage.
Gardner Minshew – It doesn’t even really matter what he looks like; you exude that much machismo and charisma and I’ll do whatever you want. You put those highway patrolman sunglasses on and I’ll run 4 deep passes in a row like we’re playing Madden. I believe in you that much.
Mason Rudolph – Has a very classic, “old boy” look to him. Maybe it’s the perpetually-styled hair. Maybe it’s the “leadership chin dimple.” Put this man in a letterman jacket and it’s shocking that he’s not a black and white photo of a turn-of-the-century university polo team captain. He’s definitely handsome, and I would definitely smash…him in the face with a helmet.
Jacoby Brissett – Extremely classically handsome. Face is perfectly symmetrical and he wears a beard well at any length. He’s going to be a great leadership presence from the bench.
B Tier (S'aight)
Jarrett Stidham – Has the average-in-every-way face of a true placeholder. Even if he manages to step into Brady’s shoes, he won’t be stepping into a world-famous supermodel anytime soon. Side note: I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was a rookie RB who got drafted by the Pats. First day of training camp I brought my Eagles lunch bag (that I actually own in real life) and Belichick screamed at me in front of everyone. “You’re a goddamn Patriot now!” he said. The point is Cam was the starting QB. I consider it a premonitory dream, sorry Jarrett stans.
Jameis Winston – A comely man who looks much older and wiser than he is. Because he isn't either. Ol' Jobless Jameis is currently floating in FA subspace, which makes sense since his level of leadership rests comfortably at “leading the ball to the defense,” but he can rest on that handsome visage and be proud that the ladies can't keep their hands off of him. Wait no, sorry, it's the other way around.
Dwayne Haskins – Easygoing-looking. Nice smile, boyish features. Looks as natural taking a selfie with fans as he will crying in the locker room at halftime while Ron Rivera screams at him. I can picture him after the game locking himself in his room, laying in bed next to his Eli poster, throwing a football into the air and catching it while going “god, dad is such a dick.”
Deshaun Watson – A pretty average-looking guy who loses points for having a kind of small head. Sometimes it looks regular and sometimes it just looks a little on the small side. Either way, it’s doing him about as many favors as his anus-chinned GM.
Ryan Fitzpatrick – I cannot disconnect this man from the images still burned into my brain of what he was showing up to press conferences in Tampa looking like. Fitz looks like that dude who was always getting dome in his pickup in high school and let’s face it…he probably was. I would follow this dude even if I played for the Tank for Tua 2019 ‘Fins.
Matthew Stafford – Inexplicably never ages. Still looks like someone I’m more likely to see lining up opposite me on the beer pong table than under center. Shocked he’s never been in a Mountain Dew ad, he could move units on units of High Voltage.
Kirk Cousins – Handsome enough but without a beard he looks like a Bible camp counselor. Every time I look into those vacant blue eyes I picture myself sitting around a campfire and singing Kumbaya, or whatever they do there. I don’t know, I’m Jewish. Anyways put some beard on that face and he looks a lot more manly. Otherwise I don’t like that.
Drew Brees – A man who rivals Terry Bradshaw not only in declining arm strength but in rapidly declining hairline. I do have to say he’s very swole for being 51 or whatever. He definitely looks like a guy ready to string together a near perfect season, inexplicably get rocked in the divisional round, retire, and Focus on the Family.
Derek Carr – If you threw a bass guitar on that guy I would guess he played in Korn or Saliva. He looks like someone who would light a Newport in the huddle, say “fuck it,” and go do donuts in the parking lot of the Allegiant instead of finishing the game.
Philip Rivers – I always thought he was very boyish looking, and he still somehow is pushing into the twilight of his career. Whatever look he has, his wife obviously really digs it. I would rate him like a 14/20 which I’m pretty sure was also his TD:INT ratio last year.
Teddy Bridgewater – He’s more “cute” than handsome. He elicits – not only in name but in face – the aura of a Teddy bear, and for some reason I feel this would actually translate to strong leadership applied with a soft touch (gloved of course).
Mitchell Trubisky – He’s fine, but I don’t mean like “fine.” I mean…like just fine. Powerful eyebrows but that’s about it in the power department. Teddy bear face invokes more confidence in the other’s team’s secondary than his own teammates. All in all I would still let him kiss my titties.
C Tier (Lipstick on a pigskin)
Cam Newton – Not an ugly man by any means but his face is as big as a dinner plate. Chin is too strong to the point where he looks like a human Guy Fawkes mask or a bad guy from Goldeneye for N64. Would probably think it’s funny to hear a straight male talk about looks.
Patrick Mahomes – Arguably the single best player in the NFL right now, but everything about him is a little goofy. Not a bad looking guy but a little funny looking. That chop is bizarre and when he has a headband on he looks like a bucket of curly fries you get on the boardwalk. The Marvin the Martian voice doesn’t help. Also there’s something about his body that just looks soft and puffy like Starman from Earthbound.
Carson Wentz – I would love to place my QB higher, but Ginger Jesus don’t do it for me. One would think “he looks like a crown prince” is a positive aspect but then you remember how much inbreeding is classically involved with the royal family. I would not let him walk it to me unless he had a dog mask on.
Ben Roethlisberger – Never been a fan of Big Ben’s look, which is to say the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters scrambling out of the pocket. Always looks like he swallowed an inflatable life vest and then pulled the cord. And that beard he grew while brooding on the sidelines last season made him look like a bloated Jeremiah Johnson post-surgery.
Josh Allen – He looks like the kind of guy who’s not gonna be the best boyfriend, but he won’t be a total piece of shit. He’s better than the usual guys who invite you over and then just play CoD all night, but he’s still gonna take you out “on a really nice date” to Red Lobster. He’ll be good until things start to get serious, and then he’ll crumble and run backwards out of field goal range.
Lamar Jackson – LJ’s face is…short. Like, the width of his face doesn’t match the height. When he has his helmet on he looks like one of the racecar or spaceman Lego guys who wear helmets.
Matt Ryan – Scrawny. Weird looking. Head is so perfectly rectangular it’s eerie. Every time he turns his head I expect to see a missing child ad on the side.
Sam Darnold – Looks like the ginger bully kid from A Christmas Story. Every time Trey Flowers sacks him I half-expect to see him punch Darnold in the face until his mom comes to pull him off. He sometimes tries to do the Andy Dalton hairflip thing but he’s so pasty all I’m seeing is (Casper the Friendly) ghost.
Daniel Jones – A true successor to Eli in every way, from looking like a complete doofus to dropping the ball every time an edge rusher breathes on him too hard. The G-Men ain’t skipping a beat. Here’s to the next 18 years of memes that are literally just a screenshot of the guy’s face.
Drew Lock – Looks a lot like a kid named Bobby who played on my pop warner team in 8th grade. But not like an adult version of Bobby, he literally just looks like the Bobby I remember. I can picture him on Sunday mornings begging Elway to let him get a chipwich from the snack shack if they win.
Andy Dalton – I’ve heard people say the “Andy Dalton test” of a quarterback is that if he’s worse than Andy he’s a below average player but if he’s better than Andy, he’s a franchise QB. This is not true for this test; this dude looks like Jimmy Neutron started huffing paint in high school, full stop.
Marcus Mariota – Dragged down by chronically bad haircuts. Looked terrible in powder blue so there will be a reassessment when they show him chilling on the sideline in black and silver before he gets called in to run one unsuccessful gadget play per game.
Tyrod Taylor – He somehow looks different every time I see him. If I close my eyes, I really can’t picture his face without some sort of visual aid. Isn’t helped by the fact that every time I see him it’s in a different uniform.
*Josh Rosen was considered but ultimately omitted as the blurb I wrote about his face looking like “an old, leaning house whose foundation is warping” was deemed too mean and brought this write-up into cyberbullying territory.
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